報復 Bàofù: Revenge: Ten Miles of Peach Blossoms Fanfiction Ch 14

revenge 6

Lullaby…..

The water is wide
I can not get o’er
And neither have I wings to fly
Oh go and get me some little boat
And both shall row, my love and I.

Where love is planted, O, there it grows
It buds and blossoms, like some rose
It has a sweet and pleasant smell
No flower on earth, can it excel.

There is a ship sailing on the sea
It’s loaded deep, as deep can be
But not as deep, as in love I am
I know not if I sink or if I swim.

The water is wide
I can not get o’er
And neither have I wings to fly
Oh go and get me some little boat
And both shall row, my love and I.

How strange to remember something so random, so forgotten from her long gone days of childhood? The sweet lullaby Bai Qian murmured to, a now peacefully sleeping A-Li was the same her mother once crooned to her.

Finally, after three hundred years, Bai Qian was holding her son. The child she never saw until just a few hours ago because she didn’t have eyes to see him at birth. She didn’t know his face but his scent well aware was she. A-Li smelled just as she remembered from the one time SuSu touched his hand, and briefly inhaled the sweet fragrance of his baby skin. His natural scent was edible sweet, caused an instinctual reaction inside her as she brought one of his chubby baby hands up to her lips, and nibbled on him playfully.

Faintly Bai Qian heard herself chuckle under her breath somewhat disbelievingly, because it was emotionally difficult to take in everything.

It was entirely a phantasmagorical moment embracing her son, A-Li. The baby SuSu grew inside her during the most painful time in her life. The child fathered by a man who hurt her the most. The child she left behind and never returned to claim. The newborn baby she’d intentionally named with an unfortunate meaning (Li) since it was inevitable. Their separation. Their parting. If she were truly honest with herself, her detachment from the baby flourishing inside her happened long before he was born. Her successfully continued state of dis-junction was a weak, feeble excuse but it was why Bai Qian didn’t come back for him after surviving the jump from Zhuxian Terrace. The cold-hearted ability to sever all and any ties without ever looking back was something of which she was a bit of an expert.

When she was SuSu while in Nine Heaven, she clearly heard everyone gossiping and everything happening around her. But intentionally chose not to acknowledge anything, because her acceptance made the hurtful facts too concrete and too unendurable. By purposely denying the painful truths, she was able to endure, to prolong her departure just long enough to birth her child. No, he was Ye Hua’s child now.

SuSu acted naively gentle, meek, even ignorant deliberately but there were an outline and conclusion starting to form. She wanted to die. During her three years in Celestial Heaven, there were so many times she wanted death during her pregnancy. She wanted and thought about taking her life repeatedly, but solely held on for the baby who relied on her body for survival. Gentle, kind SuSu couldn’t murder the innocent one inside her but privately, soundlessly wished, prayed, hoped her finish would come for her almost daily.

How bitterly she grieved and hoped her breath would cease, when she discovered Ye Hua intended on taking A-Li after his birth. He callously, heartlessly planned to feed her something to make her forget, both him and the baby before returning just her to Mount Junji alone.

The sorrow was enough to make SuSu’s heart stop beating but she wasn’t that fortunate, when she discovered Ye Hua told everyone that he’d impregnated her for saving his life, and the baby in her stomach was merely a repayment for services rendered. Funny, their wedding didn’t feel like a transaction for the repayment of a life debt.

Sweet death she longed for when SuSu heard Ye Hua felt nothing for her. At first, it was difficult to believe. Particularly when she thought back to their newlywed days full of joy, and their rapture filled nights that still played in her mind. Unfortunately, her doubts and questions became clarified, solidified when he stopped coming to her entirely. The only times she saw him was for punishments, or the sentencing of more constraints to her already astonishingly limited world.

But by then SuSu knew the man who was supposedly her husband, her protector was merely a figment of her imagination. Ye Hua was an all mighty immortal God who coveted the baby growing inside her. He wanted her child but not her.

It was then she started it on her own. The disconnection. She did it so their real separation wouldn’t be so agonizingly painful. SuSu accepted and acknowledged from that day forward the baby was no longer hers. She wasn’t Ye Hua’s wife, but the Crown Prince of Nine Heaven’s human incubator for growing and developing his child. SuSu understood she was merely a host. Her body was a harbor that offered nutrients for the future Heavenly Lord’s baby other than that she was nothing but a meaningless mortal.

While she struggled to accept the dire, heartbreaking terms of her new reality, there were times when he still managed to confuse her. Ye Hua came to her just long enough. Mere seconds and she’d again foolishly grasp at the almost nonexistent sliver of hope, he’d return to her if she tried harder to appease him.

In SuSu’s mind even while she believed Ye Hua’s affections were gone. She prayed the advancement of her pregnancy would make him waver. Wasn’t there a slight shred of a chance, the visible proof of their physical union would bring back the one she loved. Regretfully she was wrong. SuSu was terribly wrong. He didn’t just stop coming to her, but went away entirely leaving her defenseless at SuJin and Heavenly Lord’s mercy. Or lack of humanity.

By leaving her alone, Ye Hua sent SuSu the mouse, into a snake pit full of venomous vipers. She hoped she’d just stop breathing in her sleep. There was real sadness but she knew Zhuxian Terrace was her demise, but at that point in her miserable life suicide felt like sweet charity.

There was dark humor and twisted irony because when SuSu finally got what she wanted, death. The Grim Reaper dressed in the color of the night and came in the form of the man who was once her everything. Ye Hua killed her with his own hands the day he took her eyes. After that, she was the walking dead until her last trek to Zhuxian Terrace.

Oh, the grievous past. That was all history. Bai Qian reminded herself the old painful memories filling her mind were SuSu’s, not hers. Being back in her old chamber in the Hall of Beautiful Youth made the past and present collide chaotically. Only today she would allow herself to remember and even pity herself for what she endured the last time she was in this forsaken room. However, tomorrow she would start what she came to do. Which was the vendetta.

A-Li was moving again and cuddling closer to her breasts. His stirring pulled her back from yesterday. The sweet lullaby. Bai Qian faintly sang it again while rocking him back to sleep.

The water is wide
I can not get o’er
And neither have I wings to fly
Oh go and get me some little boat
And both shall row, my love and I.

Where love is planted, O, there it grows
It buds and blossoms, like some rose
It has a sweet and pleasant smell
No flower on earth, can it excel.

There is a ship sailing on the sea
It’s loaded deep, as deep can be
But not as deep, as in love I am
I know not if I sink or if I swim.

The water is wide
I can not get o’er
And neither have I wings to fly
Oh go and get me some little boat
And both shall row, my love and I.

To be continued…..