While silently scrutinizing and analyzing Mo Yuan’s reddened, outraged, distrusting facial expression, Zhe Yan inwardly speculated if… Perhaps the sun was going to set in the east? Or maybe every level of hell was going to freeze over? Hmmm? Possibly… Maybe… Anything was plausible at this point. He deemed anything and everything was likely since he’d witnessed the impossible.
Finally after hundreds of thousands of years of living, there would come a day when a woman would breakup with the overly attractive, over accomplished, overly sexed Golden Dragon first and that someone was Bai Qian.
Young Xiao Wu, the perpetually lovesick girl, consciously left her only love, hence voluntarily ending her romantic relationship with Mo Yuan. It was incomprehensible, but the most baffling circumstance was how was it possible for someone as scholarly, and intellectual as him not to see the most obvious of actualities?
The first month after leaving Mo Yuan and Kunlun Mountain was the most difficult. Severe depression and extreme stress, she endured along with panic attacks from deep separation anxiety. These episodes caused her to hyperventilate, and she self-medicated by drinking heavily. After getting intoxicated, she cried herself to sleep every single night, while wearing one of his nightshirts that had in error gotten mixed up with her clothes, when she packed to leave in haste.
The tiny piece of clothing was a little reminder of the only man she’d ever loved, and she couldn’t sleep without it because it smelled like Mo Yuan. While still hanging onto the last traces of him in desperation, Bai Qian deliberately began the well-designed process of disassociation from the one, who was a more significant part of her than she was of herself.
The first and fundamental step was Bai Qian commanding, and ordering herself not to anticipate or expect anything from him. This form of cerebral reprogramming was her emotional defense mechanism, since without any false hopes for the unrealistic, there wouldn’t be any disappointments.
She was diligent and thorough with her new self-teaching, even more than she had been with her studies in school on Kunlun Mountain. She was disciplined and trained herself every minute of everyday. Her persistence paid off. By the end of the third month, she didn’t need to drill herself anymore because she firmly, staunchly believed it in her mind and heart. After this cognizance finally settled into her psyche immersing her brain, Bai Qian stopped crying at night. She stopped drinking and without a drop of wine in her system, she burned Mo Yuan’s nightshirt without shedding a tear.
Bai Qian’s period of grieving her lost love happened in three distinctly different stages. The first stage was mindless pain. She endured the form of suffering that made her question, if she would be able to carry on without Mo Yuan, before suddenly the pain made way for bitter resentment. In the second degree of recovery from heartbreak, she experienced the sort of outrage that made her sit up straight from a dead sleep, due to her profound antagonism toward him. The last step was acceptance and change. She started to fall out of love with him, and no longer considered herself to be his woman.
While she became an unattached eligible woman, she and her former lover, Mo Yuan, missed each other like ships passing in the night for three months straight. Bai Qian heard he came to Qing Qiu every Thursday at noon on the dot searching for her, and she made sure never to be home. He requested she return to Kunlun Mountain as soon as she received his message, and she disregarded all his letters while successfully avoiding him.
She intended to elude him forever if possible because she questioned her readiness. For months, Bai Qian endeavored to reconditioned her mind and hardened heart to resist him, and his charming ways if he ever came to her. The very thought of seeing Mo Yuan face to face made her nervous, and somewhat apprehensive that by his dashing appearance and smooth mannerisms, she would be easily swayed. If Shifu combined his looks, charm and compelling sexual allure, hence creating the perfect trifecta of temptation, then she was doomed to lose to him again and forever be his concubine.
Bai Qian couldn’t regress to her old pathetic ways. She’d worked and toiled too hard to allow that to befall her again. What she needed was something to take her mind of Mo Yuan. Maybe another man in her life. Nothing made one overcome heartache from an old love faster than euphoria from new love. It was an ideal time for a distraction, and interestingly that distraction came with the same face from which she was running.
Shifu’s younger brother, Ye Hua, was honest and transparent about his desires for her from the start. He told her that he knew Bai Qian still loved Mo Yuan. However, if she wanted to sincerely start anew, Ye Hua asked for an opportunity to show her what kind of man he could be to her. It was such an uncomplicated, yet bold request that he didn’t need to go into seclusion to meditate, and reflect for months to speak with such courage.
There was something incredibly sexy, very appealing about a fearless man who freely spoke his mind with brash, and daring honesty. Bai Qian found his words to be stirring. She reciprocated his sincerity and told him so. She revealed that she was wavering, but also informed Ye Hua that it wasn’t her intention to lead him on, and that it was too soon for another relationship. He smiled at her, said he understood. He was kind, pleasant and took her to lunch. It was when they returned to Qing Qiu; he said he sensed Mo Yuan nearby. Shifu’s younger brother mischievously kissed her hand knowing full well that he saw them, before he vanished away.
While Bai Qian was pushing forward in her life without Mo Yuan, he was coming to Qing Qiu weekly for three months straight. His visits weren’t solely due to Zhe Yan’s provoking report, since he’d planned on going to see her but his attempts were in vain and futile. It was frustrating beyond words not being able to see her, or getting even a tiny glimpse of her due to her bustling schedule.
Bai Qian was occupied and busy every single time. She was continually elsewhere other than home, and didn’t bother to respond to any of his numerous messages. All Mo Yuan could do was wait and stew. His time in simmering delay crawled at a painfully sluggish pace. Until nearly the end of the fourth month of him perpetually hearing that she wasn’t available, and leaving messages that he finally set his yearning sights on his precious darling, and heard his lover’s girlish giggling.
Her laughter was sweet music to Mo Yuan’s pining ears after months of longing for her. The most unfortunate circumstance being that she wasn’t alone. Bai Qian was with another man. If this matter weren’t unexpected and disturbing enough, he practically fell over, when he watched the unknown man kiss the hand that he felt belonged to him, before parting ways with his woman.
Jealousy and suspicion blinded him. Mo Yuan failed to get a clear view of Ye Hua who wasn’t wearing his usual black, because he chose to wear lighter shades for the mortal realm. He didn’t recognize his younger twin.
For Mo Yuan, witnessing such a vexing and provoking scene had an interesting effect on him. There was nothing, not even a hint of a blur when his body reacted, before his prudent mind registered what was occurring. He moved faster than the speed of light. He rushed to her and without a proper greeting after months of separation, he questioned in a grouchy tone drenched with displeasure, “Shi Qi, who was that man and why was he kissing your hand?”
She didn’t display any reaction. “Hello, Shifu.” She replied. Bai Qian didn’t seem delighted to see him and addressed him with impartiality. She rounded her arms to bow respectfully, instead of throwing herself at him and covering his face with heated, urgent kisses as she customarily did. He should have noticed her detachment, even her lack of sentiments but his intense jealousy blinded him, and he blatantly ignored her indifferent reception.
He demanded in a tense tone, “Darling, who was that fellow?” She responded, “Oh, you don’t know him.” Mo Yuan’s small eyes grew wide. He gasped in bewilderment and nervously cleared his throat, then sounded like an overbearing husband, “I’m fully aware of the fact that I don’t know who he is, and that’s why I’m asking you about him. Let me ask you again, Shi Qi, who was that chap and why was he kissing your hand?” It was her turn to ignore him. She brazenly disregarded his question about the identity of the man and answered, “You’ve come out of seclusion, I see.”
What the heck was she saying? He almost laughed in disbelief at her choice of wording. There wasn’t any cause or reasoning for her chilly reception and cold behavior, but he needed to remain calm instead of antagonizing her further. Mo Yuan took a moment to collect his composure and tried another approach. He fully opened his arms to her. She usually raced into his waiting embrace. However today, she hesitated. Bai Qian pressed her pouty lips together and stared off into the distance behind him, but he wasn’t going to resign from his crusade to win her over without a fight.
“Come to me and hug me. Shi Qi, I’ve missed you terribly and I’ve hardly slept a wink without you.” Mo Yuan tenderly coaxed as he intentionally softened his voice, and facial expression as he stood open armed to receive her. It had been too long and he merely wanted to hold her.
Unfortunately, he was the only one who wanted to embrace because Bai Qian deeply sighed. She didn’t hide her annoyance and begrudgingly went to him. Her small body was stiff and rigid with resistance. She avoided touching her chest to his. It wasn’t his intention to be so aggressive. Mo Yuan pulled her up to him with too much force, and she ended up straddling one of his upper thighs when his leg slipped between her.
Having Mo Yuan caress and kiss her head, while being in Shifu’s powerful arms with his muscular upper thigh pressed against her female sex made her realize that she had changed. Her efforts to distance herself from him were not in vain.
Bai Qian was different or perhaps, it was more accurate to say that she felt less. She wasn’t overwhelmed by the compulsion to tear off his and her clothing to hump his leg. If anything, she wished he would release her and go away.
Feeling her warmth against him brought heat to his body instantly. Mo Yuan hugged her tighter, and covered the top of her sweet smelling head with tender kisses. His mouth longed for hers. He tilted her face towards his and tried to kiss her lips. But she turned her head before pulling away and out of his arms abruptly. Bai Qian then purposely stepped back two full paces to create distance between them.
It was hurtful. Her hostile and unfriendly response was disheartening. Mo Yuan couldn’t hide his hurt and asked soft voiced, “Are you angry at me?” She answered quickly. Too quickly, “No.” He advanced forward and she stepped back. He paused in confusion. In all the years he’d known her, never once had she behaved as distance as she was now. Confusion and distress overwhelmed him as he tried again, “Have I done something wrong?” There wasn’t any hesitation, and Bai Qian replied as swiftly as the time before in the same reserved tone, “No.”
What was happening between them? Could Zhe Yan have been accurate about her leaving him? Mo Yuan’s head was reeling. She wasn’t giving him any answers, thus creating more complicated questions in his brain. He sensed something foreboding, wrong in his heart but he didn’t know what he was feeling. He appealed to her in earnest, “Come home with me back to where you belong. Darling, I miss you.” Shi Qi’s answer was as cold as her expression when she stated, “This is where I belong and I am home.”
Bai Qian abruptly turned to walk away from him in the middle of their conversation, or at least he wasn’t finished speaking yet. It was an impulsive move when he grasped her tiny wrist to hold her back, before forcibly pulling her to him. He couldn’t help himself when Mo Yuan crushed his lips to her in desperation. He needed and required to feel her kiss for a sense of security. But her mouth remained locked, pressed together tightly and her eyes were wide open.
Her small hands balled up into closed little, tensed fists. Her knuckles blanched from the force of her fisting palms and she stated, “I’m in seclusion and would like some time to meditate and balance my cultivation.”
Bai Qian declared without facial expression straightfaced. Now he understood her anger. She was pouting because he’d stayed in seclusion for too long. She was so endearing. Mo Yuan faintly chuckled at her adoringly. He lovingly caressed her smooth cheek with the backside of one of his hands, and teased, “Darling, seclusion is when you’re alone and from what I saw you were with another man.”
“My Shi Qi, you don’t need to mediate. I’ll meditate for both of us.” Mo Yuan reached out tenderly, held her beautiful face with both hands and urged, “You need to be with me. I know why you’re angry but stop being ridiculous, let’s go home and hold each other. I don’t know about you but I need to feel you against me. I love you.”
It seemed like he was making progress. His attempted to defuse her temper, until Bai Qian said something that made his heart nervously palpate, throb achingly. With the most adult expression he’d ever seen on her, she proceeded to break his heart, “I’m sorry, Shifu, but I’m staying here. I think you were right about us all along. There is too much of an age gap between us, and our May to December romance is over.”
“I need time. I want to mindfully consider all the aspects of my life and think some things through. Return to Kunlun Mountain and I’ll find you after I’ve formed a conclusion.” She spoke with unwavering resolve.
The most profound fear and dread of rejection from her overcame him. Mo Yuan wasn’t aware that he was holding his breath, until he saw dark spots floating before his eyesight. His usually soft voice sounded smaller when he asked, “How long will you need? When will you know?”
He felt sick to his stomach as if he were going to vomit and she wouldn’t meet his eyes. Bai Qian dropped her troubled gaze to the ground and answered, “Soon. Shifu, soon.”
Her words sounded faraway. She spun around but Mo Yuan couldn’t let her go. His yearning heart couldn’t stand to see her backside, as she walked away from him. The engulfing sense of despair suddenly awakened the jealous and possessive man in him, who stirred into conscious now spoke through his mouth. “I understand. I won’t ask you to rush and take all the time you need, but I can’t allow you to meet other men until we’ve agreed on a resolution.”
Bai Qian crossed her arms over her chest, leaned into one leg giving her an air of insolence, and her arrogant voice matched her haughty body language. “Shifu, who are you to tell me what I can and can’t do…”
His darling continued to incite, and push Mo Yuan’s swiftly rising temper with the same smug tone, “You’re in no position to dictate my life or order me around. I will only take directions from two men in my life: my father and my future husband and you’re neither.”
“I’m going to do as I please and see or meet whoever I wish. You don’t need to concern yourself or worry about my love life anymore.” She scoffed haughtily. The fire in her heated gaze grew ablaze. Although, it was nothing but a slight, an insignificant flicker compared to the inferno in Mo Yuan’s scorching stare that exploded upon hearing his woman, Bai Qian, mouth off and telling him that she would be seeing other men in her sassy challenging tone of speech.
Mo Yuan’s jaw snapped tensed as his teeth ground involuntarily. He could scarcely control his sudden wrath. He desired to spank her. Had they not been standing out in plain view directly outside her Fox Den; he would have stripped her naked and taken his woman, Bai Qian, by force to silence her sassy mouth.
Nothing in the world provoked his lusty appetite and obsessiveness for his darling, young lover Shi Qi, more than hearing that she didn’t want him, but desired to meet other men and to stay out of her love life.
To be continued…..