“You may think that you didn’t.” Bai Qian declared, “But every time you made love to me without considering marriage, you turned me into your whore, and every time you filled my body with your seeds without contemplating having children with me, you made me your concubine.”
There were power and strength in the clarity of her controlled voice, but she looked delicate and childlike as if she was about to cry. “Shifu, you once said it was sinful to deflower me but you were mistaken. If anything, it was sinful for you to make love to me for thousands of years without marrying me.”
Bai Qian couldn’t have been anymore accurate than she was at that moment. He was in the wrong. Extremely mistaken and foolish. And it was narcissist conceit when Mo Yuan had criticized her alone for not being emotionally equipped for a serious adult relationship, when it was he who was unprepared.
In truth, he had never loved anyone as he did Bai Qian. It was saddening to know; it was he who had caused her pain and broke her heart enough for her to leave him. It was painful to hear; hence Mo Yuan could only imagine how distressing it must have been for her to feel unappreciated, unwanted and unworthy.
How senseless he had been.
The movement was sudden when he went to her. Before her on his knees, he took both Bai Qian’s small hands encasing them in his palms, and swiftly brought them to his lips. “Darling, forgive me for being so blind.” Mo Yuan’s emotion filled steeped in regret words flowed between his kisses. “I didn’t know. I really didn’t know.”
The sensation of shame that overcame and flooded over him left him breathless. He shook his head in dissatisfaction, and disappointment at himself for being such a fool. “You mean everything to me and I’ve never, never considered you to be my mistress. Bai Qian, you’re my love.” Mo Yuan whispered while upon his forehead, he held their connected hands. Repeatedly under his breath, incapable was he of stopping his apology, as he murmured with his eyes cast downwards, unable to raise his gaze due to his guilty conscience. “My love, forgive me.”
“Then why?” She asked, “Why did you never consider marrying or having children with me? We were lovers for thousands of years.” Her injury was visible when Bai Qian questioned both verbally, and with her searching gaze. He finally raised his eyes; the remorse was there and ever present for her to see.
He confessed, “What would you say if I said everything was too perfect? What we shared was exceedingly wonderful and I was shortsighted.” Mo Yuan owned up to his failures. “I don’t know… It may sound ridiculous, but I guess I never wanted things to change between us and didn’t see a need. But now I understand how you felt, what you need and I want to marry you. I do.”
It took a moment as he held his breathing nervously, but Bai Qian eventually smiled then whispered. “Thank you, Shifu. It means a great deal to me to hear you say that.” Her sad expression melted but the tears filled and overflowed her rich chocolatey eyes. Tenderly, Mo Yuan cradled her face and lightly kissed down, his lips followed the shiny pathway where the tears were trailing down her face to her mouth.
Bai Qian allowed him to kiss her.
She didn’t push him away nor was she unfriendly. It was a favorable sign and the internal vise-like wrench on his heart slackened. His tight chest loosened finally allowing him a deep lung filling breath. A sweet, refreshing breath of air he took. The prospect of marriage with Bai Qian suddenly felt exciting, appealing and like honey, her soft lips beckoned. Mo Yuan didn’t ever want to stop kissing her lips, but paused just long enough to ask, “When should we get married, Shi Qi? In the Fall? Or perhaps during Wintertime? Let’s do it immediately.”
“Thank you, Mo Yuan.” He felt it. A rush of euphoria when she called him by name. It was the sweet voice he had longed for, and Bai Qian’s beautiful smile levitated some of his anxiety, but he nearly choked when she said, “However, I can’t accept your marriage proposal at this time. I want to experience the world and meet other people…other men.”
Now it was her turn to hold his face which was fortunate, because he was close to falling over when she said with her radiant Fox smile, “Marriage is…well, it’s forever. Literally for us immortals. It’s an immense step and I want to be 100% sure that you’re the one.”
To be continued…..