The Charade
The initial deceptive act involved requesting Zhe Yan’s amnesia potion, a purely performative action. Since it was something I never intended on drinking, not even for a second. Nonetheless, in my mind the amnesia potion was the best ruse to divert and deflect all and any inquiries about my ambiguous, mysterious heavenly trial. It was less complicated to say I didn’t remember verses saying I didn’t want to talk about it.
My rationale was based on self-defense and an utter shame. The absolute humiliation still stung and reddened the surface of my face like a severe sunburn. Remembering the endless mistreatment I suffered as SuSu, the mortal woman, filled me with bitter resentment.
Not a single moment did I want to forget. The misery-filled moments while in Nine Heavens became etched into my being. Those dark and shameful memories acted as a hidden catalyst, gradually intensifying my vengeful feelings.
Looking back, I might have subconsciously planned everything from the beginning, even if I didn’t realize it.
I pretended to sleep, but I was actually listening to my family and Zhe Yan talk about me. My mother, the Fox Empress, convinced everyone to believe that I wanted to forget everything.
My lies and pretense continued as I went on misleading my family, Zhe Yan and Shifu, High God Mo Yuan. I fooled everyone around me for hundreds of years. I completely played dumb. My usual behavior continued; I said nothing. didn’t have an opinion when I heard of the shocking marriage engagement between Ye Hua and me. The Celestials audacity should have shocked me, but then nothing about them surprised my after how they treated SuSu.
I had nothing but time and during those silent, watchful years, I heard about it all. I overheard everything… Ye Hua’s coma, his awakening after his long sleep of sixty years and forced marriage to take SuJin as his side consort. I knew that he had stabbed Sujin in the heart with his sword on their wedding day. And of his desperate, pathetic pursuit to create a replica of SuSu using the Soul Gathering Lamp.
I’d almost convinced myself it was only slightly interesting. Nothing but idle chatter. At least that’s what I told myself while carefully watching, monitoring and recording all the occurrences happening in Nine Heavens. While still in full denial of my actual reasons, I nevertheless had a detailed diary of everything, kept precise records of every turn with each event involving Ye Hua, SuJin and Heavenly Lord like a running tally on a scorecard for a competitive sport.
It was a sport, a blood sport, and the prize interested me. Because with my eyes as their reward, they were playing a game. A match I subconsciously decided to enter, conquer, and finally reclaim the trophy, or trophies, if I counted each eyeball separately. It was then my facade began to crack and crumble belatedly.
She couldn’t exactly say when she decided to seek revenge. But at some point, she realized that it wasn’t fair to herself to just silently observe. After everything she had been through, Bai Qian strongly felt the need for payback. She wanted SuJin to cry blood tears for every tear she shed as SuSu.
Susu was powerless, but I wasn’t Susu. In return for every humiliation, insult and wrongful treatment, I would compensate in full using all the power I possessed as High Goddess Bai Qian Queen of Qingqiu. The only daughter of the Fox Emperor and High God Mo Yuan’s most beloved disciple, Seventeen.
Therefore, Sujin would be first. I planned first to bring Sujin, and then that virtueless Heavenly Lord, to their knees for destroying something even more significant, more valuable than her sight. They were undisputed murderers. Plain and simple.
Both SuJin and Heavenly Lord were assassins of something utterly beautiful, incredibly pure, forever irreplaceable inside me. Something that was eternally gone. Together, they were the destroyers of my innocent, unconditional love and unadulterated, absolute devotion to one man, Ye Hua. Making them the guilty criminals responsible for killing my beating heart, breathing soul, and my existing emotional capacity to hope, love, or trust anyone wholeheartedly ever again.
They destroyed the pureness in me.
However, for my plan to work, I needed someone on the inside and eventually reached out to Ye Hua somewhat reluctantly. In a twisted, dark humor and irony, I purposely chose the anniversary of the day he met SuSu on Mount Junji, and asked him to meet me in Zhe Yan’s orchard alone.