History Repeats Itself
Zhe Yan~
With my phoenix containment spell in effect, the disciples have set up another magical sealing formation outside Mo Yuan’s secluded area as an additional safety measure. One can’t be too careful when dealing with a demon.
The Demon Queen’s spirit is stuck inside, unable to pass the secure boundary. However, her sinister sense of foreboding hangs heavy in the mountain air, making it still dank and heavy. Her evil is notable. I can’t grasp how a demon of her low cultivation has gained so much power in just five hundred years.
Changchang helped her twin as much as she could without putting herself at risk. Ying’er isn’t critical anymore, but she remains in a mysterious coma. Changchang stands beside me a little distance from the mouth of the sealed cave. She wants to go inside and lay her hands on the surfaces, which is much too dangerous.
Even now, we remain silent, afraid that any knowledge we share out loud might influence, or even benefit, Xuan Nu’s soul.
She holds my hand. Her small fingers weaving and braiding into mine. I open my mental channels to her so to converse with her through telepathy.
‘I sense her…hers.’
Changchang shares, taking a small step towards the cave as if tugged by an unseen rope. I put my arm out, preventing her from taking another step and warn. “No, not too close. She is a vile demon and..
Changchang’s message cuts me off. ‘There’s more than one. It’s not a single entity. I sense several and only yin. All female.’
My hand is released by Changchang. As she summons a dragon spell that works like a net, she casts out to catch passing emotions and thoughts. Her eyes flutter. She stumbles and fumbles. I grab her before she falls. Her body stiffens and then goes limp, resting against me until she regains her balance. She tries to explain what she feels and senses.
‘It’s definitely demon magic, but that’s not all. I sensed white fox and black dragon magic, all combined at the core. Around the center, there are protective layers that it feeds on. Like an onion, there are layers, and these layers are intense emotions like love, hate, devotion, loss, regret, carnal desires, vengeance, and something unquenchable like thirst, but water isn’t what it craves.’
What she suggests is impossible. How in the world could all these magic combine? Maybe with cross mating, but Xuan Nu and Xiao Wu are both females. Then she conveys the oddest message.
‘I think Yingpei was an identical triplet and girl like Ying’er and me. When he was in our mother’s womb with us, I think he was a black female dragon, but when mother miscarried, the baby and its blood and life force returned into mother’s veins, so the blood Xuan Nu extracted was both mother’s and the miscarried baby. That would explain how white fox from mother and black dragon life force from us is mixed with Xuan Nu’s.’
She then warns of the terrible worst-case scenario.
‘It’s hard to put into words, but these layers of emotions it’s fueled by might be a mishmash from all who were there: Mother, us, Xuan Nu, SuJin, and even the demons who violated Mother. This spirit knows it can’t be driven out from where it hides now. Only it can decide when it wants to leave its current holding and reveal itself. I don’t think this spirit is killable and I don’t know if it should be because it somehow feels connected to mother, me, Ying’er and Yingpei. If it dies. We might too.’
Changchang falls into a coma the next day, just like her twin. However, Yingpei is unaffected. It seems that his soul, which took over Dongmei’s dying child, has saved him from sharing his sisters’ mysterious fate.
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Jingyuan~
As he cautiously crawls out from the folds of my heavy golden robe, his rear wiggles playfully in the air. Haoyu is almost four. He’s still a little boy, but struggles to maneuver his growing body within the narrow gap between my legs. “Royal father, is the coast clear?” he whispers, with a slight lisp from one of his teeth falling out.
I assure him that his mother is gone, and in a quick motion, he scurries towards my desk. Balancing on his tiptoes, his miniature frame just reaching the height of the desk’s surface, he grips the edge with his tiny fingers curled, his curious eyes peering over, intrigued.
Haoyu wears his hair like most boys his age. The front is pulled up into a small topknot with a jade hairpin, and the rest falls a little past his shoulders. Today he’s dressed in a pale gold robe with a white collar shirt underneath, matching his white pants. His low hanging jade belt has a white love knot with hanging braided cords made by Yueli. Little black boots can be seen peeking out from under his outer garment.
I gently brush his unruly baby hairs that curl at his temples. “Bring the plum pot,” I tell Eunuch Bo when Haoyu casually responds, “I don’t need it anymore, royal father. Haoyu lost his chance. I missed my window of opportunity.” Then he asks, looking over the memorandums inquisitively, “What are you doing, daddy?”
He calls me daddy when it’s just him and me.
Eunuch Bo answers for me, “First Prince, the emperor chosen by the heavens, is the ruler of the great Huaxia Dynasty.” The servant waves his arms out at me. “This is the sacred place from where the emperor governs the world.”
“Ohhhhhh… royal father, what is this then?” Haoyu grunts and stands taller, stretching his short arms to grasp the object of his interest. Then he does something that saddens me. Grunting like a puppy, he sticks out his tongue, as though it’ll help him reach. It’s bittersweet because Jinghua, his father, used to have the same habit when we were Haoyu’s age.
His tiny fingertips catch the corner of a paper. He uses his index fingernail to drag it to him. He examines it and asks, “How does this doodle help royal father run the dynasty?” He holds up the picture of Yueli. I don’t possess Jinghua’s gift, but I was practicing and have been drawing for subtle amusement. He appraises it with one eye shut and decides. “Royal father should keep this hidden from others. You’re good at everything except drawing pictures of Eunuch Bo.”
Haoyu suddenly flips the drawing to share with Eunuch Bo, who covers his mouth and snickers. They both giggle at me, the emperor. I rule this dynasty, but here I am getting judged by a three-year-old boy and a eunuch. I grab him and set him on my knee. “Do you have something you’d like to tell me, prince Haoyu? How did Noble Consort Shao’s tea cup get broken?”
His mood suddenly sours. Haoyu frowns and crosses his arms and grunts. He pouts, pursing out his lips like a duck. “It was all royal mother’s fault!” He gripes bitterly. “Noble Consort Shao gave Haoyu a fancy plate for his belt and a white tiger carved out of jade but empress mother said it was too fine for a clumsy boy like me.” He turns his resentful gaze at me stressing how extremely beautiful the jade belt plate and tiger carving had been. He feels wronged by his mother and he had disliked when she called him a clumsy boy in front of others.
“Royal father, why doesn’t empress mother love Haoyu? She won’t allow me to keep any of the delightful gifts the other consort and concubine mothers give me. She won’t let me eat any of the sweets and treats they send from their palaces, yet eldest Jiejie, who is only five months older than me, gets to have and eat anything she wants.”
He takes my face in his tiny hands. With the saddest pair of puppy dog eyes ever seen, he turns to me and asked wistfully, “Royal father, why didn’t you plant Haoyu inside Noble Consort mother’s tummy like you did jiejie instead of empress mothers? Haoyu’s life is unfair!”
He’s too young to understand harem intrigue. He doesn’t know his mother is protecting him. He’s unaware everything that he comes into contact with: foods, clothes, soaps. Even the water he bathes in has been inspected by more than a dozen of Yueli’s people, then by her. She tests his foods personally for poison. She handles all his clothing, toys, books, everything. She is diligent because she learned the hard way.
Not long after Yueli and I were married, an assistant who served Noble Consort Shao delivered a beautiful floral arrangement to her palace. The bouquet contained lilies. The Grand Princess had instructed Yueli to steer clear of any food, drink, or jewelry from the other consorts, as there were concerns they may contain harmful substances intended to harm her or our unborn babies. Yueli had been carrying twin boys, a joyous blessing that was tragically cut short when she miscarried one baby because of an abortive substance that was dabbed on the stamens of the unbloomed flowers.
The lilies, once they bloomed, released a poisonous substance that had devastating consequences. Yueli and I were heartbroken, and our grief was only compounded because the servant who delivered the flowers swore that it was her own twisted idea and that Shao Wan, the Noble Consort, had no involvement. Despite the most severe torture, the servant maintained that she took such actions alone because she believed Yueli, who had been raised by a commoner, had no right to sit on the phoenix throne. Shockingly, she even accused Yueli of having an illicit affair with her captor, Wang Guo.
The servant met with a painful and prolonged demise before any further information could be extracted from her. Yueli, determined to protect our family and maintain harmony within the harem, never accused Shao Wan of any involvement in the tragic incident. However, she learned a valuable lesson from this experience – the importance of remaining vigilant and cautious in the treacherous world of the inner palace politics. From that day forward, Yueli vowed to never let her guard down, for the safety of our remaining child and for our own peace of mind.
She now knows to keep her enemy near having tea with Noble Consort almost daily. She spoils first princess who prefers Yueli over her biological mother and it appears this has hurt Haoyu’s little heart. “Noble Consort mother suggested she and empress mother should trade children. She said she would adopt Haoyu and empress mother could adopt first jiejie. Father, can you guess how empress mother replied?”
Tears well in his eyes before falling down his plump rosy cheek. His mumbling is punctuated by bitter sobs. “Empress mother said that was a good idea and eldest jiejie kowtowed to empress mother, so I released little gray on jiejie to bite her, but he ran to Noble Consort mother. She dropped her teacup, or she threw it at him. That’s how it happened, royal father. Can you understand why Haoyu feels so wronged by empress mother and jiejie?”
“Haoyu. You know the rules about little gray and the others. It’s our secret.” I motion to Eunuch Bo, who returns with a small bowl of the sweetest white strawberries that were from the last tribute. From his inside pocket, Haoyu pulls the little mouse he saved from the mousetrap in the imperial pantry and feeds it a strawberry. In the chamber concealed behind my desk, Little Gray was one patient he healed at his animal hospital.
Just as my Changying did on Kunlun Mountain, my mortal son Haoyu has the same compassion for injured animals. He has a deep connection with nature and often brings me animals in need of care and healing. Currently, he has two rabbits that he named Floppy Ears and Wiggly Nose who mate continuously. Hence, he has learned about procreation. These creatures were protected from a grim fate, as Haoyu rescued them from being used in a stew in Consort Ching’s kitchen.
Besides the rabbits, Haoyu saved a mockingbird named Long Tail. This noisy singing bird was attacked by Shao Wan’s cat. Haoyu’s cured Slow-Slow, a snail with a cracked shell. Unfortunately, not all of Haoyu’s rescue missions end in success. Bubble Eyes, a frog that Haoyu found near the palace lake, who suffered a casualty when a servant accidentally stepped on it.
Haoyu was devastated by the loss, as it was his first encounter with death. However, amidst the sorrow, there was a glimmer of hope and new life. Haoyu discovered that Bubble Eyes had laid eggs before her demise. These eggs eventually hatched into tadpoles, which we released in the lake, bringing a sense of renewal and teaching Haoyu of the circle of life.
“My poor Prince Haoyu has suffered because of the unfair treatment and wrongs he has endured. You must be compensated. Father will get justice for you.” I appease and comfort him, giving him what he needs most. A sympathetic listener.
As a devoted confidante in our father and son bond, I offer my reassurance that I will scold Empress mother on his behalf most sternly. Haoyu, with sudden dry eyes and a smile revealing his adorable baby teeth, responds with a heartfelt plea to me. He expresses his weariness of being the only boy in the harem and implores me, his father, to consider a different approach.
Instead of scolding Empress mother, Haoyu requests that a younger sibling, a ‘didi’, be welcomed into our family. He longs for the companionship and bond that comes with having a brother. Haoyu, in his innocence, appeals to me to make the most of the upcoming full moon, hoping that it will bring about fulfillment of his heartfelt desire.”
I nod and tell him. I’ll do my best,” but if he only knew how impossible pregnancy is without intercourse.
History repeats itself.
Just as Bai Qian, the immortal goddess, refrained from a physical relationship with me, Yueli, my current mortal wife, has done the same. We have never consummated our marriage, which has left me with a deep sense of longing and frustration, but I can wait. The immortal me, in the past, I was insensitive to her, had forced her to submit to me, but being away from Kunlun mountain has somehow cleared my head and thoughts for the first time in hundreds of years.
I can’t for the life of me figure out why I behaved as I did before this trial and I owe her. She deserves a better man than who I was before our mortal trial.
I will wait until she is ready to move on from the loss of Jinghua. I don’t believe she’s over his betrayal. I will understand her reasons and respect her choices. The desire to have our own child has grown stronger each day. However, she is only twenty years old and I can wait.
============
Yueli~
“Empress greets the Emperor.” The servants of the Pavilion of Peonies and I greet him on ceremony. He acknowledges our greeting with a slight nod of his head. “I heard you already had dinner,” I say, breaking the silence. “I made pear soup in case you were still peckish.” He waves his hand dismissively, a gesture that signifies his contentment.
“Little Min, send everyone away,” I command. Little Min, a loyal servant whom I brought back from Qingshui City after the dust had settled, swiftly carries out my orders.
She knows the routine well, having served me faithfully for my entire time as Empress. With a commanding voice, she instructs the other servants to take 50 steps back and await further instructions, ensuring their readiness in case they are needed. As the doors of the residence close, sealing off the outside world, the remaining servants begin their preparations for the Emperor’s bedtime routine.
They assist him in removing his golden dragon garment, delicately hanging them with utmost care. Another trusted assistant steps forward and, under my watchful gaze, undoes the Emperor’s topknot, freeing his flowing hair. With gentle strokes of the brush, the assistant brushes his long hair.
The Emperor changes into his comfortable pajamas, ready to retire for the night. Sensing an opportunity, I approach him, “Is there anyone that catches the Emperor’s eyes tonight?” I suggest, gesturing towards the provocatively dressed ladies I have carefully selected for his pleasure.
Standing next to the one with long eyelashes and a pouty mouth, I continue, “This one plays the zither. Would the Emperor like her to play you a soothing melody or have her serve you in bed?” The Emperor’s eyes lacks intrigue or interest, his gaze shifting between the ladies before waving them away the same way he did the pear soup.
He used to have liaisons with other women while I sat next to the bed and watched. This stopped when I accidentally fell asleep while he was with someone else. But I still try to find him other attractive women to be with. I don’t serve him personally as his empress, but I pick women for him.
During our entire marriage, I’ve yet to exchange any skin-ship other than ones lacking romance with my legal husband. It’s not because I don’t love or desire him. I’m young and still crave touch. It’s not his fault either. Jingyuan is handsome, intelligent, gentle and kind. He does everything to make me happy and has protected my son. He never speaks ill of his twin brother and misses him.
In fact, Jingyuan takes Haoyu to fourth Prince’s tomb every year on tomb sweeping day to honour Fourth Prince’s memory.
It’s me. I don’t trust myself to get close to him or anyone. I am broken and cannot let go of my anger. I cannot even say his name and it feels strange, like déjà vu. My life feels like it’s repeating in the same loop, like history is repeating itself, but I don’t know how to stop it or change anything for the better.
All the servants leave and he turns to me, his voice overflows with paternal concern. “Yueli, you were quite harsh on Haoyu today. Sometimes, you need to take the time to understand him better,” he says as I crawl across the luxurious bed we share once a month. Taking my usual spot by the wall, we lie next to each other, chastely, our arms resting gently at the sides of our bodies. Despite sharing the same bed, we use separate comforters, each tailored to our personal preferences, or that’s an appropriate excuse for not lying under the same blanket.
“You must keep in mind, he’s just as soft-hearted as his father,” Jingyuan adds. His words become melancholy, as it does when he brings him up. Irritated by his comment, I shoot him a glare that instantly silences him. “If you don’t mind, I’d like to talk about something else,” I retort, eager to change the subject.
With a deep breath, I proceed to share the news about the extra money collected from the consorts who willingly volunteered to reduce their monthly allowances. Genuine excitement exudes my voice as I explain that we now have enough funds to build another school for underprivileged children next month.
Jingyuan playfully teases me, skepticism evident in his voice, as he questions the authenticity of the consorts’ voluntary actions. “Did they honestly volunteer to give up a portion of their allowance?” he asks without opening his eyes. Firmly, I respond, “Of course they did. I would force no one to do something against their will. I simply informed them that the emperor would match everyone’s donations and write them a decree acknowledging their contribution for the Great Huaxia dynasty.”
Jingyuan raises an eyebrow, appearing slightly suspicious. “I don’t recall that conversation at all.” he remarks drowsily.
However, any further discussion is halted as Jingyuan helps me fall asleep by telling me a bedtime story, just like he used to when I was a young child. Despite the weariness in his voice, he begins.
“Once upon a time, there was a God of War and his seventeenth pupil. She was his cherished student for over fifty thousand years.”
He sleepiness increases. He mumbles lower, “This God of War sacrificed his soul for world peace.” Jingyuan has a thing for this God of war. He’s mentioned him often. “However, before the Eastern Bell was sealed, claiming his soul and life, he pleaded with his seventeen to wait for him.”
“What?” I sit up in bed abruptly. “Wait. Did the God of war know he was dying?” I ask.
“Yes.” He replies and I scratch my head, confused by Jingyuan’s story. “This God knew he was dying, yet he asked a young girl to wait for him?” I inquire, trying to understand the strange situation.
Jingyuan looks at me with wistfulness in his eyes as he responds, “He loved her deeply, and he came back to life for her. It took him sixty thousand years to regather his shattered soul, but he did it for her. This is important. She fed him blood from her fox heart the entire time to preserve his body from decay.”
I quickly feel outraged on behalf of this girl, a fictional character I’ve never met. “Jingyuan, did this God know he was coming back when he asked this girl to wait for him?” I ask, frustrated.
Jingyuan’s tone turns slightly defensive as he explains, “Yueli, he died. People don’t come back from the dead, but he did just for her. That kind of love and dedication is rare.”
I scoff at his response, unable to comprehend the reasoning behind such a request. “What a narcissistic bastard for asking a naive girl to spend her entire life pining for him. That’s selfish of him,”
I exclaim, my anger growing with every passing second without logic. “Sure, he dies with honor in a blaze of glory, and what does she get? She gets anemia and stuck with his lifeless body. Jingyuan, I don’t understand if he loved her all along, why he didn’t confess his love during those fifty thousand years? He had countless opportunities.”
“It was complicated.” he answers.
I can barely believe my ears. What utter nonsense. “A God his age should know better!”
Jingyuan’s eyes lose any trace of sleepiness, and he sits up in bed, glowering at me, clearly offended by my words. It’s not as if I’m talking about him, but it seems as if I have struck a nerve. Ignoring his reaction, I throw myself onto the bed with my back turned to him, determined to have the last word.
“This God of War is nitwit! Emperor, should find another God to worship.” I mutter, feeling exasperated and frustrated even though this story has nothing to do with me.