Fàng kāi wǒ wǒ fàng kāi nǐ
Eunuch Bo~
“Bobo?”
With my hands folded in the center of my robe, I cautiously approach the emperor’s desk, waiting for his orders. “Yes, emperor?” I respond with deference.
The emperor lifts his brush off the document and taps it against the edge of the inkwell. As always, three. Tap, tap, tap. Then he asks, “Let’s say a woman doesn’t mind if her man lies with other women and she shows no reactions when he shares intimate details of his other trysts with her. This woman never gets jealous. What do you think that means? What kind of woman is she?”
The emperor’s question hangs in the air, waiting for my response. “Emperor, that’s an agreeable woman,” I reply. “The lady is unselfish and considerate of the man’s needs. He is blessed to have such a woman. As for not reacting to his stories, perhaps she enjoys hearing provocative narratives, but she is the type to laugh discreetly within, like Bobo.”
I grin, feeling clever, but my satisfaction is short-lived as the emperor shakes his head at me, correcting me sternly. “Bobo, that’s not consideration. It means she doesn’t care for him. That’s indifference and indifference is hurtful.”
I edge closer, eager to understand. “Emperor, why doesn’t the man come out and ask the lady? Do we know these people?” I inquire, hoping to gain more insight.
The emperor lets out a deep sigh, his gaze fixed thoughtfully on the ceiling. He sets down his brush and takes hold of his prayer beads. “No, I am not acquainted with such individuals. My words were spoken hypothetically,” he affirms. “Please do not make hasty assumptions. It’s all hypothetical.” His thumb steadily rolling the coral beads.
“How do you think he could express his affections to this unresponsive woman?” He contemplates out loud, and I snicker, understanding his underlying intention. “Emperor, perhaps you should woo her. It’s time you and the empress became a proper husband and wife,” I suggest optimistically, unable to hide my smile.
The emperor gives me a look of contempt. His small eyes crinkle with disapproval. “Fàngsì! How brazen! I wasn’t speaking about myself. I was asking for a friend,” he retorts, disappointment thick in his voice. “Bobo, I expected better of you. You have disappointed me. Bring me ginger tea. You’ve given me heartburn with your audacity.”
Before fetching his tea, I inquire “Which friend, emperor? I know all your friends.”
He snaps back, “Insolent! I have a friend you don’t know about. You have grown too fàngsì! Don’t presume to know everything about me. Where’s my tea?!”
“Your tea is coming, emperor.” I quickly scurry off to go for the emperor’s tea when suddenly, the Minister of Finance smacks into me. His face is covered in sweat, resembling the color of a beet. He is breathless but conveys urgent news between gasps for air. “Inform the emperor! It’s the Fourth Prince! Prince Jinghua is alive!”
Jinghua~
The library walls are filled with neatly arranged scrolls. In the center, a wooden Go board is placed by the wide window. The board is made of two shades of plum wood – yellow and reddish hue. Its surface is polished to a high shine. Carved into every black and white stone are tiger heads. I recognize this craftsmanship. It was created by the grand general.
It seems like another lifetime when I played chess with my uncle. However, I don’t think he would welcome my company if his reaction to my returning to the capital is anything like Bai Yi Bo’s. “A-li, I don’t want you alone with him!” Yi Bo’s eyes are shooting daggers at me while arguing with A-li a little distance away.
Yi Bo didn’t like me meeting with Meihua when we were pretend sweethearts. He despised it when A-li and I became true lovers. He probably wants to kill me now. In his eyes, I’m the worst person who has come into her life and he’s not wrong. “Dege! I need to be alone with Jinghua. Please. Please don’t treat me like a child.”
Yi Bo is furious. He talks with a clenched jaw. He reminds A-li of what I did to her. How shocked she was when I died. A-li is now assertive as empress. She orders Director Bai to leave the room. He should return to the open house. A-li used her empress’s right. She clarifies that she is the highest authority of all currently present. Director Bai reluctantly obeys. However, his hateful glare remains fixed on me.
Before leaving, he warns me he will kill me if I hurt A-li, with no chance for my return. A-li pleads with him, and he finally leaves the room.
She stands in the center of the room while I wander around her, taking everything in. I can feel her piercing gaze boring a hole into me. “This school is incredible. A-li, you’ve created something dynamic. You should be proud of yourself.”
She’s tired of watching me walking in circles. She finds a spot at the Go board by the window and sits down. I know she expects me to sit across from her, but I’m not ready. I imagined this reunion hundreds of times, but it’s different when it is actually happening. I feel anxious and bring up something ridiculous – the weather.
“It’s getting cool. I think it’ll be a long winter,” I say, rubbing my cold and stiff hands together. She snaps in return, “I don’t care about the weather. Sit down, Jinghua!” I agree and prepare myself, making my way to the window.
The sunlight catches her white hair, making it look silver like a halo. I sit across from her, on my knees, since she’s sitting the same way. My gaze moves from her hands to her white cloak, and then to her trembling red lips. As we make eye contact for the first time in almost four years, I gasp in astonishment. How can someone be so incredibly beautiful? It’s beyond belief.
Her white hair is piled high in a bun, strands frame her face, outlining features that have changed little over time. But it’s her eyes that truly bewitch me. They used to be the color of deep, rich walnut, but now they are lighter, like amber. Her dark pupils are visible, reminiscent of tiny black stones encased inside aged resin. Her lashes are a sight to behold, lush and lengthy, as black as coal. When she blinks, they cast a delicate shadow across her rosy cheeks.
As we sit in school’s library, her attendant quietly enters, carrying a tray of freshly brewed tea. I glance up and recognize her as little Min from Qingshui City. However, my greeting smile is met with a scowl and tense lips. A-li instructs her attendant to guard the door from outside, and with pure loathing, Little Min glares at me before reluctantly leaving us alone.
The atmosphere becomes thick with tension, making the air suddenly stifling. A-li’s index fingertip circles the rim of her teacup, her scrutinizing gaze fixed upon my scars. Finally, after what feels like a lifetime, she breaks the silence with a soft but commanding voice. “What happened? I buried you.”
I take a sip to moisten my mouth and lightly clear my throat to speak lies. “One medicine used by the healer had a strange side effect. It put people into comas that resembled death. I woke up and dug myself out.”
“You were crisper than a burnt duck. You couldn’t breathe, let alone move.” She lifts her hand and wiggles her fingers in my face. “The slightest pressure on your fingers would have turned them to dust and sent them flying!” With a forced exhale, she blows on her fingers, mimicking the wind clearing the dust.
“The part about the medicine was true. She dug me out and cured me.” I say and she scoffs in my face. “Jinghua, I saw you die. I spent a week beside your grave. Are you trying to tell me she dug you up after a week of no water or food and you just recovered like this?!”
A-li leans back, rolling her eyes in dissatisfaction and disbelief. Her fair complexion shows splotchy marks as the color rises from her neck. She takes time to compose herself and demands again, “Tell me what really happened?!”
As I gaze out the window, a magpie grabs my attention. It’s lucky it can fly away. I want to tell her, but I’m unsure how things happened. I remember the immortal Saintess and her glowing green eyes. I took my last breath after A-li told me to let go.
Then, something strange happened.
I woke up in a new place alone. It was a cottage on Mount Juji, next to a peach tree. Inside, there was nothing valuable except a wedding comforter, a bow with arrows, and a strange copper mirror. The mirror came in handy when I saw my reflection. I hesitated, but I was stunned. It was me, with a few scars from the fire.
The scarred skin was minor in small patches, on my left calf, right lower side of my back, left shoulder, and a little on my left neck and chin. It seemed impossible because I remembered the explosion. I had just come around when the fireworks went off. Yet here I was with minimal scarring.
The surreal-ness made me believe I was dead and walking in the afterlife.
I stayed in the cottage, waiting for a deity or a demon to come get me. I wasn’t completely sure which way I was being sent. However, I grew hungry, which was strange because the dead don’t get hungry. I caught a fat pheasant with a bow and arrow and ate it.
I still thought maybe this was the afterlife.
I didn’t see another person for three weeks. When I saw an herb collector, I asked if he was human. He thought I was insane and told me about a nearby town. I followed his directions and discovered that three years had passed during my unbelievable experience.
Three years had passed. I walked around in a daze, unable to believe it. I asked about news in the capital and learned that the emperor had another daughter. I thought to myself, when will father stop having more children? I made a comment about the emperor’s advanced age to someone passing by. They asked if I thought twenty-five was old. That’s when I realized father had abdicated to Jingyuan.
His Empress was Empress Bai.
Jingyuan and A-li had gotten married and had a son. I was delighted for them. I had let her go so she wouldn’t be a lonely widow. She was only sixteen and too beautiful not to be loved again. But my heart felt heavy. It still does. If I had known this would happen, I would have never let her go. Now, seeing her in person, despite my intentions, I see the true extent of my error.
“A-li, I think Saintess Ying’er was a witch. She had green eyes, they resembled those of a lizard. She offered to save my soul and transferring it into Jingyuan. I choose death instead. However, to my utter astonishment, she somehow brought me back to life. I can’t explain how it happened, but it did. I swear it on my life,” I declare, desperately trying to convey the surreal experience to A-li.
A-li is shocked, her wide eyes show her disbelief. Her lip starts to twitch. “I know it sounds crazy, A-li.” I say, my voice trembling. “After she revived me, I ended up in a cabin on a mountain, 400 kilometers away from where we were before. It felt like she had just transported me there. I woke up confused, trying to understand what had happened.”
I exhale deeply, trying to release some of the tension that has built up within me. A-li’s hands clench into tight fists, her face contorted with anger and irritation. Her entire body trembles as she struggles to, but fails to process the unfathomable truth I’ve just revealed. “Stop messing with me! Tell me the truth!” she demands, her voice quivering in anxiety.
I can’t help but feel exasperated by her reaction. “A-li, I understand how unbelievable this all sounds, but I assure you, every word I’ve spoken is the truth,” I reply. The odds are stacked against me, but I’m clinging to a sliver of hope that she’ll believe in me and the unbelievable events that have unfolded in my life.
Her hands tightly clench into fists, her knuckles turning white. The sound of her teeth grinding together fills the air as she clenches her teeth in frustration. A-li’s entire body trembles. “Stop playing games with me!” she screams in my face. I reply, shaking from frustration. “I am telling you the truth!”
Suddenly, she slams her fist down onto the Go board, the loud thud echoing through the room. Her stiff upper body, booming voice and waving fists are reminiscent of the tantrums she used to throw when she was little.
“Damnit, Jinghua! Just be honest with me!” A surge of adrenaline courses through me as her rage and my frustration intensifies.
“I swear I will bite my tongue off right now and bleed out in front of you if you don’t tell me the truth!” Her fury pierces the air like a sharp blade. But then, a chilling calmness washes over her, sending shivers down my spine. “Wait. You were colluding with that healer, weren’t you? What did she want from you? She fell in love with you and you her. You two wanted me out of the picture. That’s what happened, isn’t it?!”
I vigorously shake my head, denying her accusations. “No, A-li, that’s not true!”
“That has to be it! Tell me! Tell me the truth! The dead do not resurrect!” Hot tea splatters on us both when A-li overturns a Go board with a quick motion. She emits a horrifying scream. “No more bull about witches!” This causes the doors to open, and people quickly enter the library. Among those who enter are her brother, Little Min, A-Ming, Bigan, her son who resembles Jingyuan, and imperial guards.
“Let no one dare to move a single step!” A-li’s intense gaze, her eyes now red and bulging, remains locked onto my face, as if they can see into the depths of my soul. With a quick gesture of her hand, she commands everyone to stop in their tracks. “Everyone, take ten paces back!” The air crackles with power as she pushes it away, motioning for everyone to retreat.
She hisses quietly, asking about the age of my son. I answer softly, saying he is five years old. I can see her confusion. The timeline makes little sense. We got married four years ago, so it appears as if I am being unfaithful.
Her anger evaporates into thin air in a flash. Her despair follows in its wake. “Jinghua, how could you? What did I do to deserve this?” She’s breaking apart before me in the worst way. It’s painful to watch. She glances over her shoulder and sees A-Ming. “Is that pregnant woman the boy’s biological mother?” She asks in a soft voice wistfully, and I nod. She flinches and clutches her chest as if shot by an arrow.
She assumes I was unfaithful, and I don’t correct her.
I could tell her about A-Ming, the deaf woman, and her child, Bigan. I saved them from rogue men wearing soldiers’ uniforms. Fake imperial guards. They took the mother and son after killing A-Ming’s husband. The men had been violating A-Ming while forcing her son to watch. I killed them all and by the mercy of the heaven’s the boy fell out of a tree the next day. He woke up with a knot on his head. But no other memories. He assumed I was his father. I don’t tell her any of these things because benevolence, goodness, and caring are the threads that wove A-li’s moral fabric.
If A-li knew all the circumstances, she would resent me if I didn’t take the side of the weak, and she wouldn’t want me to repeat out loud what A-ming had been through. She would want me to save A-Ming’s dignity. I know this about her, but I can tell she’s drowning in despair because I know her well.
I must set her free. I need to release her, even if it feels like I’m dying for a second time. When she asks me, when I wrote the marriage annulment, I realize this is when to cut the loose threads and end all things between us. “I wrote it in Qingshui City one week after our wedding.” I gather my inner will and lie. “A-li, I’m better suited with common girls like when you were Meihua, Meili and A-Ming. Princess Yueli was too high maintenance for me, but I was greedy. I was savoring your body. I was going to give it to you when you got home. I wanted to enjoy you longer sexually.”
She slides. As if she’s lost her strength. A-li’s body slumps to one side, her shoulders hunched and her breathing erratic. She can’t even catch her breath, her chest rising and falling rapidly as she hyperventilates. The exhaustion is evident in her eyes as she stares at me without blinking, dazed. I can’t take anymore of this heartbreaking scene. Feeling a mix of guilt and helplessness, I rise from my seat, intending to leave. However, before I can go, she murmurs in a weak and airy voice, as if each word takes all the strength she has left.
“Prince Haoyu is your son,” she reveals her sorrow that becomes mine. “He was a twin, but his brother died before even taking a single breath. It was Noble Consort Shao who poisoned me, but the dose wasn’t enough to kill him. The imperial doctors said that had I been in better health, he would have been fine. Your fake death turned my hair white overnight, so you can imagine the toll it took on my internal organs and the babies.”
As I listen to her confession, tears well up in my eyes. The weight of her words hits me hard. She says, “I’ve felt guilty for his death for so long, but now it’s time for you to take responsibility, too. Noble Consort Shao may have poisoned him, and I was naive to trust, but Jinghua, you played a part in killing your own son with your lies.”
“What a fool I’ve been. I have been waiting for you to return to me, despite everything. Because I thought I would feel it if you weren’t breathing the same air as me. Somehow, I sensed you, but now I know our love was a delusion. You’ve made yourself clear.”
“Release me, I release you. Fàng kāi wǒ wǒ fàng kāi nǐ.”
“We owe each other nothing.”