Broken Things
Yueli~
Every night, as the moon casts its silvery glow through my bedroom window, I make promises that often slip through my fingers like sand. I vow to send him away when he emerges from the shadows, his presence filling the room. He’s supposed to be somewhere else, yet, when he slips into my bed, I lose all will. I yearn for the warmth of his body against mine, his breath tickling my ear, and I hold him close, unable to utter the words telling him to leave.
And as the first rays of morning light filter through the blinds, I make another promise to myself, one that evaporates as the day dawns. I swear not to grow too accustomed to the familiar routine of awakening beside him in my bed. But as the days pass, my senses grow accustomed to his scent lingering in the air, a musky blend of his masculinity and desire. I can almost taste the bittersweet longing that dances on my tongue. And so, I expect his presence, craving his touch, and my once firm promise fades into the background.
We used to sleep with our arms and legs intertwined and me curled into his chest, but my stomach gradually expanding has created an additional barrier between us. Now we sleep like spoons with him hugging my backside.
Jingyuan groans softly, the sound muffled by the warm embrace of our entangled bodies. He presses against me. I can feel the pressure of his firm manhood against my backside. His touch, tender and delicate, sends shivers down my spine. His fingers caress my breasts, nipples and stomach, their gentle strokes evoking a myriad of sensations. The warmth of his palm against my skin, the softness of his fingertips, it all creates a symphony of pleasure that tangles with the sound of our quickening breaths mingling.
“I don’t understand how this body can arouse you?” I mumble. My voice thick with sleep and growing desire.
My growing body has made me insecure. Yet, to my surprise, this transformation seems to ignite an even stronger desire within Jingyuan. His wordless urging beckons me, and with a surge of passion, I straddle him, sighing as he fills and drags me against him, cupping my breasts. His eyes, filled with longing and passion, gaze at me with an intensity that leaves me whimpering. It’s as if the curve of my belly, the evidence of our affection, only intensifies his desire for me. The sensation of his warm skin against mine, the rhythm of our bodies moving in sync, leaves us both breathless and hungry for more.
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“Tonight’s Lady Wan’s visit—don’t forget,” I remind Jingyuan as I help him dress.
This is an unfamiliar experience for us as I used to have the servants dress and undress him. Now, it feels too personal for others to touch him intimately while I, his wife, am present.
He groans in protest, clearly unhappy with the idea. “Yueli, I thought we agreed on this issue. While you’re pregnant, I will sleep only in your bed, and I plan to keep you pregnant for the next thirty years.”
I choke at him. I can’t believe he said that in front of everyone. The servants in the room snicker and exchange glances. Has he no shame.
“Shame on you, emperor. You shouldn’t be so singular. The others will accuse me of being greedier than they already think me. I heard rumors. I’ve bewitched you with love potions.” I scold him while secretly feeling delighted. I quickly clarity and assure him, “No, not that kind of visit. Only tea and wish her a good life when she leaves tomorrow.”
“Yes, tea. That I don’t mind, and you have bewitched me. I’m at your mercy.” he replies, touching my lips, making me blush and bringing another round of snickers and hushed giggles from the servants.
I shouldn’t encourage him, but I can’t help and smile, even though I know I shouldn’t enjoy his disgruntled attitude towards visiting the other wives in the harem. But I must confess, his undivided attention towards me over the past few months has spoiled me. It makes me feel like I’m his only wife, even though I know that’s not the case in our complex and intricate household.
“Emperor doesn’t even know who Lady Wan is, do you?” I ask while tidying his mustache and beard. His silence tells me he hasn’t a clue who I’m speaking.
“Lady Wan is the eldest daughter of the late Imperial physician Wan.” I remind him who Lady Wan is. “Imperial doctor Wan was the one who saved Haoyu.”
Doctor Wan had served three impresses, including me. He saved Haoyu when I faced the devastating loss of the other twin during my pregnancy. In recognition of his lifelong merits and dedication to the royal family, I had promised to protect his daughter when he was on his deathbed. She had no other family but his third wife, her stepmother, whom Doctor Wan didn’t trust to protect the girl.
“Time flies in a way that makes me feel old. She was just a child when we took her in, and as of last week, she’s become a woman able to bear children, but has her dream. She wants to attend school to become a physician like her father, and I have an open spot in the school of medicine,” I say, fastening his belt.
Jingyuan is only listening halfway because harem matters hold no interest for him. He’s too preoccupied caressing my stomach, where our babies are growing, trying to get them to kick, which they usually do for him.
“Jingyuan, are you listening to me? Tonight, before coming to me, please let her say farewell and thank you for your grace during her time here. Otherwise, the others will gossip that you ignored and rejected her.” I tug on his belt harder to get his attention. “Emperor, please don’t become weak to the temptation of a virgin.” I tease, pursing my lips, pouting.
“Who could tempt me when you’re waiting for me?” His warm gaze meets mine, making me blush and feel a rush of affection.
With a gentle touch, he tenderly tucks my loose hair behind my ears, his love evident in every gesture. It’s remarkable how he still has the power to make me blush after all this time. However, as much as I am drawn to him, I still find myself shying away when he tries to kiss me while so many are present. Aware of the watchful eyes around us, I move too quickly, accidentally knocking over one of his first wedding gifts to me – a stunning black ceramic vase adorned with delicate golden cranes.
My fingertips fail me, unable to maintain a firm grip on the delicate vase slipping through them. I’ve become increasingly clumsy because of my pregnancy, my once steady hands now betraying me at the most inconvenient times. In this moment, however, the consequences of my clumsiness hit me with full force. “Oh, no! What have I done?” I gasp in horror.
This vase, a symbol of love and commitment, was given to me on my wedding day, a token of affection from Jingyuan. Now, it lies broken and irreparable. With a heavy heart, I bend down to pick up the shattered pieces carefully, not to cut myself, a sense of foolishness washing over me as tears well up in my eyes. It may seem trivial to cry over a material possession, but the vase represented so much more than that – a reminder of the friendship and happiness I found in my marriage with Jingyuan.
“Yueli, don’t touch that. You’ll cut yourself, and it’s not a total loss. I can fix it for you.” Jingyuan wipes my tears away in his fatherly way, picks up the two pieces, and carefully examines them. With a reassuring smile, he tells me, “I’ll fix it, and you’ll never know it was broken.”
I nod at him. His words bring me comfort, as Jingyuan has always been skilled at repairing things. He used to fix all my toys when Jinghua broke them. He has a way of mending them with such precision that they regain their original beauty, but once something is broken, it’s never the same.
“You shouldn’t get attached to broken things. Even if you fix them, they won’t be the same.” I say about the vase and more.
For me, this sentiment rings true not only for physical objects but also for the intangible aspects of my life. As our conversation began with a simple broken vase, it quickly developed into a discussion about something much more profound – the very essence of the broken person I am or used to be. It feels symbolic of my ability to trust, love, and be fearless. I have experienced many moments of brokenness in my life – stages that have shaken my trust, shattered my heart, and instilled fear within me.
“Yueli, sometimes the broken things that have been fixed are the strongest because they have endured.” He claims to be setting the fragmented pieces on the table. “Trust me, I’ll make it better than before. Don’t let anyone touch it so I can be your hero and stay up for me.”
I walk him outside, holding his hand. He suggests we watch the star shower that night and make a wish. He hopes to hear me call him fugen, husband, instead of emperor or Jingyuan. He gives me a tender kiss on my forehead, lips, and rounded stomach. He asks me to stay up and wait for him. He promises to return to watch the star shower with me.
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A-li
Mother had come to A-li before leaving for her trial to bid him farewell and entrust him with a precious item. It was a magical peach of beauty that she had created for Xuan Nu many years ago before leaving for Kunlun. This peach possessed the incredible power to transform anyone who consumed it into a younger version of Mother herself for a few hours. A-li couldn’t help but feel a sense of trepidation towards the peach, as he knew all too well the disastrous issues that could arise from the desire to emulate his mother’s beauty.
Both Xuan Nu and Dongmei were proof of the havoc that ensued when women sought to mimic his mother’s youthful appearance.
Despite his reservations, A-li couldn’t ignore the fact that mother had deliberately left the peach in his care for a reason. As he spent a few days in the mortal realm, witnessing the progress of the trials, A-li gradually began to comprehend how this seemingly dangerous magic could actually prove to be helpful for his parents. The beauty peach wouldn’t directly help reunite his parents, but it held the strong potential to sever the intimate connection between his mother and Uncle Mo Yuan.
Contemplating the implications of this revelation, A-li realized that the peach could serve as a catalyst for betrayal. Something his mother could not forgive. All he needed to find was someone to eat it willingly.
He would not use his magic, knowing what Ying’er was going through from karmic backbite. But even without magic, his charismatic personality made it effortless for him to slip in with the other servants as a junior eunuch when delivering the gifts from the empress to Lady Wan, who was to leave the harem.
Lady Wan was young but of marrying age. In the harem, since she had not served the emperor, she was low in rank but not the lowest because of her noble birth. Yet the others rarely bothered to deal with her since they had nothing to gain by befriending her. She was eager to have someone to talk to.
She was frank or terribly naive in A-li’s opinion. She and A-li chatted about the empress’s plans for her to leave the harem. It didn’t take long for her to confess she had an interest in the emperor she had kept a secret from the empress. She worried she wasn’t attractive or alluring enough to catch the emperor’s eye, so she thought leaving might be the best option rather than living in wait for a man out of her league.
“I’m nothing to look at, and I’ve never been kissed, even. I’ve not held hands with a man before.” She tinkered with the small honey cakes on the plate.
A-li couldn’t help but feel a pang of sympathy for Lady Wan. He observed the girl, who seemed desperate for some company, engaging in a conversation about her lack of a love life with a eunuch. It was clear that Lady Wan was feeling incredibly lonely and yearned for someone to talk to. As A-li packed her suitcases, the atmosphere in the room was somber, with everyone else having already left. Being a woman of her rank, Lady Wan was assigned one servant, who was currently attending to the needs of others, since her mistress was preparing to depart.
The young girl, with a shy smile on her face, delicately batted her eyelashes. She spoke to herself, perhaps a habit from being alone. She faintly murmured about having a sense of inferiority, believing that she could never catch the attention of someone as handsome, powerful, and esteemed as the emperor. Empress Bai, whom she revered with her ethereal beauty, seemed to be the embodiment of perfection itself. Lost in her thoughts, the girl whispered to herself, unaware that someone was listening intently.
A-li, who had been eavesdropping on her conversation, couldn’t help but intervene. He approached the girl, his eyes filled with sincerity. “Lady Wan, you must not underestimate your own allure. There isn’t a man in the kingdom who wouldn’t be captivated by one of the emperor’s women, especially someone as lovely as yourself.” He paused for a moment, reaching into his pocket and revealing a small peach, and told her the legend of the magic fruit.
He instructed her to eat it right before seeing the emperor. Curiosity piqued, the girl accepted the fruit, assuming it was a playful jest, and gobbled up the fruit, then left for the main hall. A-li watched the girl go with a gleam in his eyes and smirked with pride. Mother Fox’s magic was like no other.
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Jingyuan~
“Emperor, Lady Wan is here to greet you.” Eunuch Bo announced her and escorted the girl in.
Jingyuan didn’t look up from his desk, but he heard light footsteps entering his chamber. “Lady Wan greets the emperor for the first time.” Her voice was like so many others, nervous and shaky, but he had promised Yueli to be polite to her before sending her away. He slowly raised his eyes disinterestedly, but froze, unable to pull his gaze away.
How could it be? The immortal God in Jingyuan couldn’t believe his eyes when he saw Lady Wan. Standing before him was the one that got away, his Seventeen, and he began to question everything.
Mo Yuan wondered if it were possible that she was the real Bai Qian and not Yueli? It wouldn’t be a proper love trial if there weren’t tribulations and twists to throw everyone into calamities. It would be fitting of a trial to distract him with another, thinking he had found her, only to have the real Bai Qian slip out from under his nose, and if this girl, who was the real Bai Qian, left the harem. It was more than feasible that she would meet Jinghua once outside and marry him, hence she would die married to Jinghua.
This would have tragic consequences. The decrees of the ruling were simple. Whomever was legally married to mortal Bai Qian at the time of her death was the one she would return to after the trial.
If he didn’t have his immortal memories, Jingyuan the mortal would have sent the girl, Lady Wan, away and gone to his beloved empress as he promised, but the immortal in him was greedy. He wanted to win at all costs, and if winning meant keeping both Lady Wan and his empress, he wouldn’t take any chances. He took Lady Wan to his bed, thinking that if Yueli were seventeen, she would understand and forgive him because her Shifu could never do wrong in her eyes.
He was correct. His little Seventeen would have accepted anything he did without question because she worshipped him.
However, unbeknownst to the Kunlun Master, his beloved Seventeen had grown up during his soul’s absence. She wasn’t the girl he left behind. She was now High Goddess Bai Qian, a stranger to him, and she could never forgive such a betrayal of trust.
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Yueli~
As the snowflakes gently fall from the dark sky, landing on the tip of my tongue, Little Min’s voice reaches my ears, filled with concern. “Empress, it’s much too cold outside!”
The biting cold air surrounds me, causing my breath to form tiny clouds in front of me. I shiver slightly, feeling the icy chill seep through my clothing, making me long for warmth. Little Min approaches, handing me a hand warmer that emits a comforting heat, providing some relief to my freezing fingers. With gentle care, she adjusts the hood of my cloak, brushing off the delicate snowflakes that have landed on it. The soft touch of her hand against my face brings a momentary warmth, but I can still feel the cold searing my skin.
“Empress, please wait inside. I’ll come and get you when the emperor arrives.” Little Min frets, shaking her head disapprovingly at me.
“No, No, I promised to wait. He’ll be here soon.” I reply between chattering teeth.
I sniffle back my runny nose, the chilly air stinging my nostrils, as I tightly grip the hand warmer, its warmth seeping through my stiff fingers. Hopping up and down, I try to generate some heat, my breath visible in the dark night air, forming a cloud that quickly dissipates. The courtyard is devoid of any flickering flames, for I didn’t want any lights to detract from the mesmerizing star shower above.
The sky above is a breathtaking spectacle, as falling stars cascade through the velvety darkness. Snowflakes, delicate and pristine, descend steadily, settling upon my shoulders and creating a soft, icy blanket upon the ground under my feet. It’s a night that feels enchanting, a night where magic dances in the air. Lost in the moment’s beauty, I contemplate the wonder that is Jingyuan. He patiently waited for me for five long years, making no demands. Perhaps it is unfair for me to harbor my fears on him.
I reflect on my past failure with Jinghua, the memories of our all-consuming love, where life and death were the only things that mattered. It was a love so intense; it consumed us both. Comparatively, my relationship with Jingyuan seems different, more reserved. Yet, I ponder if it should be more passionate, more all-encompassing, like the love I once shared with Jinghua.
Maybe that’s what Jingyuan deserves? Could there be a new beginning for this broken thing that is me?
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Little Min~
Empress shouldn’t be out in this freezing weather, but it’s refreshing to watch her like this again. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen the empress like this. She was a cheerful woman with a blush to her skin in Qingshui City. The kind of blush that comes from being in love. I think she’s finally ready to move on from fourth prince.
The torch lights are coming from the long road. “Empress, I see lights. It must be the emperor’s palanquin carriage!” I rush to the gate, peeking out and waiting, but I only see Eunuch Bo alone. His dropped shoulders and glum expression are all I need to see to know the emperor isn’t coming. I know he’s staying with Lady Wan for the night before Eunuch Bo says a word.
“The emperor sends his apologies but…” Eunuch Bo’s voice cracks when the empress looks at him, then me, and I turn away. My heart breaks for her as she pretends not to be bothered.
“It’s fine, Eunuch Bo. It’s for the better and thoughtful of the emperor. I’m feeling tired lately from serving the emperor. I appreciate the break to have my bed back.” She says, standing tall. However, her eyes reveal the pain she is trying to hide.
The empress keeps her disappointment within, exuding an air of tranquility. Yet, beneath her composed facade, I know her well enough to recognize that her heart now lies shattered, like fragile glass. The once blossoming love between her and the emperor, like a delicate snowflake, has dissolved into nothingness, leaving her icy and unyielding once more.
Even Eunuch Bo understands the emperor’s colossal blunder in favoring a new woman and making Lady Wan a concubine; He and I know. We foresee catastrophic repercussions from neglecting the empress as he has.
“Eunuch Bo, please come inside and take a few things back to the emperor, but don’t bother disturbing him tonight while Lady Wan is serving him in bed. Please inform his grace tomorrow.” She orders Eunch Bo and me inside the main chamber. Gathering the name tags of the concubines, she tells Eunuch Bo that, because of her advancing pregnancy, she is too fatigued to deal with the nightly rotations anymore.
With a tired expression, she instructs him to have the internal relationship handle the nightly rotation from now on. However, she clarifies that she will no longer be taking part in the cycle and removes her own name tag from the tray. She throws the wooden tag into the roaring brazier, the flames instantly consuming it like a greedy lover.
Turning her attention to me, she, without expression, commands me to shatter the two delicate vase pieces that sit on the table. She had been staring vacantly at them all day with a smile on her lips, but now she wants them completely obliterated, reduced to nothing but dust. The shattered remnants are to be sent to the emperor, accompanied by a terse message,
She writes, “Some broken things defy repair.”
The empress went to bed without crying. But the next morning, she received devastating news. Her best friend, Min Qian Ju, was killed in a home invasion along with her unborn child. The empress was overwhelmed with grief and fell ill with a fever that left her unconscious for days. The physicians said her illness was caused by both the shock of Min Qian Ju’s death and her decision to wait outside all night for the emperor on the frostiest night.
When the empress woke up, she realized the fever had taken her sight.