Chapter 19
Ruilin~
“Father said you were to stay put until Princess Changying emerges from seclusion,” Feng Ming said casually, nudging pebbles with his foot and nudging my temper with his words.
“But isn’t it odd she hasn’t contacted you directly after her trial and instead sent an impersonal messenger? Are you worried, Ruilin?” His tone hovered between inquisitive and mocking. It was typical; my younger brother had always said Princess Changying would never fulfill the marriage agreement.
My pulse spiked, and an unexpected wave of trepidation settled uneasily in my stomach like a meal that was excessively big and greasy. Feigning indifference, lying about my feelings isn’t my forte, but I kept my composure as much as I could muster, and hid my concerns. Yes. Of course, I was worried Princess Changying had met another, or maybe it is me projecting because of guilt nagging at me for forming inappropriate feelings for Yi Nuo.
“What’s there to worry about? She needs to rebalance her cultivation after her trial—it’s nothing unusual,” I said, shrugging nonchalantly. “Princess Changying knows she can take all the time she needs.”
“I’m glad you’re this optimistic. So what are we doing here anyway? Last time we searched for Princess Changying. This time it’s your mortal ex girlfriend.” There he goes again mocking me while smiling disarmingly. Feng Ming did this. He was careless with his words thinking a smile will coax everything over and make them less earnest. This trait, I loathe about him and envy it as well.
“She’s not my ex girlfriend, and I’m not actively searching for her exactly,” I explained, shifting my gaze over the bustling marketplace, where vendors shouted their wares and the scent of spices and foods mingled with the chatter of haggling customers. “I just want to ensure she’s safe and settled from afar. I won’t be long. She’s close.”
My fingers tingled with the subtle hum of Phoenix magic as I reached out to sense the distinct energy of the protective amulet she carried. I knew my older sister too well; she was someone who didn’t easily form attachments, but once she did, her loyalty was unshakeable. She would never have let Yi Nuo wander without the security of a Phoenix protective amulet.
“What if she’s not safe? What will you do?” Feng Ming asked and as he did, a path slowly opened up and I saw her squatting in front of the fish monger.
For me, it has been merely six days, but for Yi Nuo, six years have passed. She is no longer the waif girl I once knew; she is now a poised twenty-one-year-old woman. The last vestiges of her childhood softness have vanished from her features, revealing a maturity that was not there before. Dressed similarly to the others in plain, unadorned clothing, her attire lacks any embellishments, and her hair was secured with a simple bamboo hairpin. Yet, despite this simplicity, she radiated with an unmistakable brilliance, like a diamond gleaming prominently in a pile of coal.
“Yi Nuo, I saved this big fellow for you,” the fish monger announced with a broad smile. His hands were stained with dirt and fish scales, his skin rough and weathered from years of hard work, while the corners of his eyes crinkled with intimate warmth, contrasting with the bustling market around him.
Yi Nuo stood up before the stall, her fingers diving into the depths of her pockets, searching for her money. She seemed to be counting out her coins. The tight press of her lips and the slight furrow in her brow were enough to reveal her limited funds. “I’ll take this little one,” she decided, pointing to a modest fish, “since the fish isn’t for me but for Mr. Tiaotiao.”
The fish monger, with a practiced ease, picked up the small fish she picked out and wrapped both it and the large bream in thick, crinkling paper. His gestures were swift and sure, honed by years of practice. With a dismissive wave of his hand, he gently pushed away her offered payment. “I will never accept your money,” he declared with heartfelt conviction. “Had it not been for you, my son would have walked with a limp for life. Your money is no good here, and as long as I’m alive, your fish will be free.”
“If that’s the case, I’ll take them all,” Yi Nuo replied without a smile. Her dry humor hadn’t changed. The man threw his head back, his laughter booming through the noise of the crowd, causing his stomach to jiggle like a bowl of lemon grass jelly with each robust guffaw.
Placing the fish in her basket in the crook of her arm. “You should stop by before going home. I have a prescription for your son that speeds up bone healing. One day all he will have is a vague memory of jumping off the roof because he wanted to see if he could fly.”
Yi Nuo had pursued her passions and become a respected healer.
Her long dark hair was tied back in a simple braid, allowing her focused eyes to meet those of the townspeople as she moved through the bustling marketplace. I watched from a safe distance, a smile playing at the corners of my lips as pride swelled within me. I should have left then, but my feet seemed to have a will of their own as I followed her. As she made her way past colorful stalls filled with fruits and spices, several vendors and passersby greeted her warmly while shoving gifts of foods at her. “Thank you for helping my mother with her fever,” one woman said, clutching a basket of herbs. “My brother is much better now,” another man, the sweets vendor called out, nodding in gratitude. “What did we do before Yi Nuo?”
“I’m sure you did just fine before me.” Yi Nuo replied greeting each person, her gentle nod and slight smile extending to each passerby, until suddenly her steps came to an unexpected stop. She remained still, the breeze rustling her loose strands of hair, and then, without even a glance behind her, she declared loudly, “It’s neither polite nor appropriate to stalk and stare at someone’s backside in such a lecherous way.”
Her voice traveled back to me like a sudden chill, freezing me in place. There was no question she meant me. As she turned slowly and deliberately, her eyes narrowed with displeasure, my mind raced. Sweat dotted my forehead, and I fumbled for the right words, yet none seemed remotely plausible. “Yi Nuo, I was merely…” I began, my voice betraying me as I stammered. It was only then I realized she wasn’t looking directly at me, but beyond my shoulder, casting her attention past me entirely. I might have been invisible to her.
“If you don’t want to be stared at, maybe you shouldn’t have the kind of backside a lecher would ogle. Blame yourself, Yi Nuo.” The sharp scent of wood smoke and sweat hung in the air as I watched a tall, powerfully built man stride past; his confident footsteps kicking up dirt when his foot hit the ground. Broad shoulders, the scent of steel, fire, and the earthy smell of livestock clung to him.
His large powerful hands were rough and strong. A glint of warmth and amusement shone in his eyes as he approached Yi Nuo. He snatched the basket from her, bringing it to his nose with a playful grimace. “Are you buying fish for that stupid cat of yours again? That cat eats better than you.” His voice, deep and teasing, ruffled the air.
Yi Nuo’s retort was immediate, her spirit as feisty as ever. “Mr. Tiaotiao isn’t a stupid cat,” she countered smugly. “You’re just jealous of him.” There was an undeniable familiarity in the way they moved together, so close that their arms brushed with each step, their connection unspoken yet unmistakable. The lively marketplace seemed to fade around them as their conversation drew them into a world of their own making. His voice was remarkably deep and animated, full of affection as he declared, “I am jealous of that cat. You cook for him. He sleeps at the foot of your bed and I’m sure watches you in all states of dress and undress yet I can’t even get a kiss from you. When will you finally marry me?”
Her laughter, light and natural as wind chimes, warmed the air between them. A mock exasperation, felt as much as heard, tingled pleasantly. “Perhaps when you learn some manners,” she elbowed him playfully, the easy banter a counterpoint to the rhythmic thud of their footsteps as they reached a small, weathered building. The pungent, earthy scent of drying herbs, sharp and comforting, spilled from the open doorway. “Take this and be a filial son. Roast this bream for your mother and tell her it was from you.”
“I’ll tell Mother it comes from her future daughter-in-law.” His grin, wide and hopeful, crinkled the corners of his eyes, a boyish charm radiating from him. The man leaned in, his lips aiming for hers. Yi Nuo’s hand, a gentle yet firm barrier, intercepted his face. The playful moment was punctuated by their shared laughter. Lingering across from the sun-drenched doorway, I felt and saw the warmth between them. He had been the life-giving water, nurturing the vibrant happiness blooming in Yi Nuo’s eyes, and for this I was grateful and remarkably jealous.
She was safe; I knew it.
This was where I should have stopped and resigned myself to moving on as she had, but some foolish part of me couldn’t. My longing eyes were unwilling to accept not seeing her once more even for a fleeting moment. My ears missed the echo of her voice, and deep inside, I ached profoundly with the rawness of her absence. In those moments, I realized the truth I could no longer ignore: I missed her so deeply, far more than I ever dared to imagine. Resisting the urge to see her once more felt impossible. I fought valiantly against it, but not enough. My resolve was shaky to begin with and it took nothing for it to crumble away like rock sugar vanishing in a steaming cup of tea.
It was not long before I returned—only two days later for me , but two years for her. The little unassuming shop was hardly recognizable from before. Vibrant red lanterns danced softly in the gentle breeze, strung up in clusters. Festive banners draped across the storefront, each one inscribed with bold characters that announced an occasion filled with joy. Firecrackers popped in rapid succession, creating a chaotic symphony that mingled with the laughter of the gathered crowd.
It was Yi Nuo’s wedding day.
My heart did flips, a frantic hummingbird trapped in my chest when I saw the groom. Did he know how truly lucky he was? He was the very man I had seen with her, the one who had held her affection so effortlessly. He led the wedding procession from atop a magnificent black stallion, its coat gleaming like polished obsidian. The horse moved with energetic grace, and the groom’s confident demeanor was impossible to miss even amidst the throng of people.
As the procession pushed through the colorful crowd, they stepped aside to make way for Yi Nuo. The crowd parted like a sea, revealing the breathtaking image of Yi Nuo in her bridal attire. People cheered and gasped with astonishment and delight when she emerged. She stepped out in a stunning bridal ensemble that shimmered in the sunlight like drops of liquid fire and made the world blink in red and gold. The gown was a deep, rich scarlet, lavishly adorned with intricate golden embroidery that caught the sunlight in dazzling bursts. A sheer veil of the same gorgeous shades hung gracefully over her head, swaying with every step she took.
She held a delicate red cloud fan in front of her face, a traditional gesture of modesty that made her beauty even more striking. Someone in the crowd turned to me and said, “What a perfect couple.”
“Indeed, a perfect couple.” I agreed.
She looked so breathtakingly beautiful that it hurt.
Yi Nuo~
My hands, usually steady and sure, tremble and fidget in my lap, the smooth silk of my wedding gown a strange, unfamiliar sensation against my skin. I await my husband in our bridal chamber.
On this auspicious day, I shed the title of orphan, Yi Nuo. I am no longer alone. I am an honored first wife to my husband, Li Wei, a blacksmith who treasures me dearly. I am lucky to marry such a good man. He is a kind-hearted and gentle man who won me over with his unwavering patience and devotion, never asking for more than a simple kiss, which I found myself unable to give during our five-year courtship.
Tonight, he will claim me, yet the rouge on my lips tastes bitter and salty. My heart aches, a raw, physical pain, caught between shadows of the past I can’t quite let go and a light of the future I cannot fully embrace yet and for this I blame Ruilin. Why isn’t he with his Princess Changying? Why did he have to come today and muddle my head as if it hasn’t been eight years?
I was no more than a child when we met. It seems like a different lifetime when my heart was untainted and my mind was set on the journey to enlightenment. But everything changed when I met Ruilin and in him I found a different kind of purity. His innocent heart was as pure as if not more so than any nun from the temple, and his smile that came too freely and too often as warm as the summer sun. His teasing drove me crazy, yet I secretly cherished him even more for it. I suppose it was inevitable that I would fall in love with him, even though he was the last person I should have loved.
Eight years ago, I made the hard decision to leave the Phoenix realm. The Emperor, though reluctant to see me depart, accepted my resolve and helped me in severing all ties with my past. He orchestrated a deception, leading others to believe I had drunk from the River of Oblivion, erasing all memory of Ruilin and our history. I was profoundly thankful for his magnanimity.
His generosity didn’t stop there.
He offered me great wealth, but I accepted only a modest reward—just what I believed I deemed deserving—despite his generous offers of more. Back among humans, I rebuilt my life, painstakingly erasing Ruilin from my memory. Then, one day in the bustling marketplace, he reappeared as if he had never left, shattering my fragile peace and the illusion that I’d moved on.
A chill had ran down my spine; I felt his presence even before I saw him. Catching a glimpse of him from the corner of my eye made me tremble uncontrollably, my teeth chattering despite my efforts to calm myself. I was grateful when Li Wei showed up, seemingly out of nowhere, and his arrival was enough to make Ruilin leave. For this, I was relieved, though I regretted not glancing back just once. But what would have been the point? There was nothing left between us. He was never coming back. He had no reason to. In spite of that, there was a part of me that looked for him and he did return unbelievably. He dared to show up on my wedding day. How dare he? How dare he appear just long enough to make me waver and muddled my mind and heart again?
The guests’ voices at the wedding banquet suddenly became louder and clearer as the door opened. Quiet yet steady footsteps. Then the bed groans under his weight as he settles beside me and hesitantly, he lifts the red veil from my face.
Li Wei stares at me, his eyes filled with love and longing. “Yi Nuo,” he says softly, “You are so beautiful.” He cradles my face with a tenderness that breaks my heart. I don’t deserve this from him. “I know you’re scared, but I’ll be gentle.” He mistakes my melancholy as nerves and I don’t correct him.
My head bobs, a silent affirmation, a lump in my throat choking back words. I know I must be a good wife to him, must give him the love and devotion he deserves. But as he begins to undress me, I cannot help but compare him to Ruilin. Li Wei’s hands are rough and calloused from his work, while Ruilin’s had been soft and gentle.
Li Wei’s body is strong and muscular, while Ruilin’s was tall and lean. Yi Nuo stop this! It’s unfair to Li Wei, your husband!
I’m glad he can’t read my mind. His lips taste like plum wine. Li Wei kisses me, and I respond, but my heart is not in it. I close my eyes, trying to lose myself in the sensation, but all I can see is Ruilin’s face. Li Wei’s hands explore my body, and I tense, unsure of how to respond. He seems to sense my hesitation, for he pulls back, his brow furrowed with concern.
“Yi Nuo, I love you,” he whispers, his voice a warm caress against the evening air, “I’ll be gentle,” the words soft as a feather against my skin. A promise felt as much as heard.
Li Wei cups my face in his hands, his thumbs brushing away the tears that have begun to fall. “It will only hurt for a while,” he gasped hoarsely. “It will only hurt the first time.”
I look up at him, my heart swelling with gratitude. He is so kind, so understanding. I remind myself that I am lucky to have him as my husband.
Li Wei kisses me again, and I feel his passion pour into me. This time, instead of pulling back, I let myself lean into the warmth and intensity of his kiss, trying to allow my thoughts to scatter and lose themselves in the sensation. My heart is tender and raw from the memories and doubts of minutes before. But his lips are warm and soft, his tongue gentle as it explores my mouth and coaxes me to respond. I am surprised that I feel myself relaxing, my body softening and slowly responding to his touch. His hands, rough and hard from years of blacksmith work, roam over my body, caressing and stroking, and I find myself arching into his touch, blushing wildly when he removes all my clothes, leaving me more exposed and vulnerable than I’ve ever been in my life.
“You’re more beautiful than I ever imagined,” he murmurs, his voice thick with wanting.
Li Wei’s hands find their way to my breasts, and my breath catches in my throat as he cups them gently, his thumbs brushing over my nipples. The sensations are new to me, and I blush and gasp, surprised and almost frightened by the reaction he elicits from me. He smiles, his eyes dark with desire, and leans down to take one nipple into his mouth. I whimper, my back bowing off the bed against my will. His tongue swirls around the hardened peak, and I feel a rush of heat between my legs. My fingers clutch the fabric of the bed, and I hover at the edge of something unknown as his mouth moves to my other breast. I forget to breathe, my mind racing—my body surging towards his want.
Li Wei pauses, his belt clinking as he unbuckles it, the sound of his belt dropping a sharp intrusion in the quiet room. He continues, his hands moving with urgent precision as he unbuttons his robe, his eyes never straying from my naked form. His robe falls open, revealing a chiseled chest that heaves with anticipation. He steps out of his pants, and finally, standing before me unabashedly naked. I draw in a sharp breath, my eyes widening at the sight of his arousal protruding out. Proud and formidable. A jolt of panic courses through me.
How can I possibly accommodate him? My god how will that thing fit inside me?
Despite my sudden apprehension, Li Wei returns to the bed, his lips finding mine with unerring accuracy. I melt into his kiss, my body betraying my mind’s reservations. His mouth moves from my lips to my cheek, tracing a path to my ear where his breath sends shivers down my spine. He traverses my neck, his lips soft and warm, his tongue darting out to taste my skin. He continues his descent, his body hard and hot against mine as he moves down the length of me.
He settles between my thighs, his breath teasing my most sensitive flesh. I hide my face behind my hands, a futile attempt at modesty in the face of such intimacy. But he is patient, his fingers gently tracing the lines of my body, coaxing my legs apart. I gasp, my hips bucking against him as he lowers his mouth to my chastity, his tongue delving into my folds. He takes his time, his movements tender and deliberate, spreading my legs wider to accommodate his broad shoulders. His hands grasp my hips, pulling me down onto his face, his mouth and tongue working me until soft, involuntary mews escape my lips.
His finger, glistening with my arousal, glides into me, igniting a cascade of pleasure that washes over me like a warm, enveloping tide. His mouth is insatiable, exploring every inch of my core, claiming it as his territory, coaxing and teasing until my body quivers, tense and tight like a strongly coiled spring. And then, like the sudden release of a long-held breath, I cry out sharply, overwhelmed by a surge of pleasure unlike anything I have ever known.
“Oh, my god.” I gasp.
I’m trembling uncontrollably when Li Wei positions himself between my legs, his arousal a fierce and unyielding demand. The forceful nudge against me sends a shockwave through my body, electrifying every nerve and tensing every muscle in acute anticipation. A surge of panic crashes over me, a wave that momentarily drowns out the raw, searing pain of him slowly pressing into me, inch by agonizing inch, until he is sheathed completely. Yet, he remains perfectly still, hovering at the brink of motion.
Through clenched teeth, he commands in a low, urgent tone, “Yi Nuo, you must relax, or I won’t be able to move an inch inside you.” I desperately want to comply, but my breath is caught, a strangled whisper stuck in my throat. “I’m sorry, Yi Nuo, but I need to move. You’re too narrow. Stay with me,” he urges, his voice a mix of apology and insistence. As he withdraws, a fleeting relief washes over me, a brief respite from the internal assault on my senses, but then he surges forward again, making me feel overfilled. This time, I scream, biting the inside of my mouth, and a metallic, bloody taste coats my tongue, sharp and coppery.
The pain overwhelms me, a sharp discomfort that swiftly transforms into a tidal wave of another sensation as he begins to move with deliberate intensity. Li Wei sets a slow, steady pace, his hips rocking against mine like the rhythmic pull of the tide. I wrap my legs around his waist, dig my heels to his backside, pulling him closer, feeling the heat and urgency of his movements. He groans, the sound deep and resonant, his thrusts becoming more urgent, more insistent. I feel a pressure building inside me, a tension that snakes tighter and tighter with each thrust.
Li Wei leans down, his lips finding mine in a searing, all-consuming kiss. His tongue tangles with mine, a dance of heat and desire, and I moan into his mouth, the sound swallowed by his fervent kiss. He breaks away, his breath coming in ragged, desperate gasps, and I feel his body tense above me, a coiling energy ready to release. “Yi Nuo,” he whispers, his voice strained and filled with a mixture of urgency and tenderness, “I’m going to…”
He doesn’t finish the sentence, but I feel him shudder, his body quivering as his climax overtakes him as he spills inside me. His member pulsating. The sensation is enough to push me over the edge, and I cry out, my body convulsing with pleasure as I reach my peak, a wave of ecstasy that crashes over me, leaving me breathless and trembling in its wake.
Li Wei collapses beside me, his chest heaving with exertion. I curl into his arms, my head resting on his chest, while he strokes my hair and traces lazy patterns on my skin. “That was… incredible,” he says, his voice soft and satisfied.
Yet, even as I lie there, enveloped in the warmth of our shared moment, my heart feels torn in two. Ruilin may be lost to me, but he is etched into my memory, an indelible mark. As I drift into sleep cradled in my husband’s embrace, a stubborn part of my mind can’t let go of the hauntings of the “I wonder.”
I cannot help but wonder what might have been with Ruilin. I cannot help but imagine how cherished and adored he will make his princess feel and last, despite knowing it’s highly improbable, I find myself lingering on the wistful thought of whether I will cross Ruilin’s mind even once on his wedding night as he did mine.