Fàng kāi wǒ wǒ fang kāi nǐ.
You Release Me; I Release You
SuSu~
I am alone once more, but there is a profound sense of solitude this time. If only our paths had never crossed, I wouldn’t be overwhelmed by these feelings of doubt and unworthiness.
Sometimes, I even contemplate whether starving to death would be a preferable outcome, or if I am simply overthinking everything. I cannot help but remember his words, confessing that he was a hunter.
Perhaps he was merely passing through and has now vanished from my life for good. I suspect that Ye Hua has another family, and I am nothing more than his hidden mistress. I am not even worthy of being a concubine, but something he conceals.
That makes sense.
Mo Yuan~
“Young lady must be mistaken. This artifact has been in my family for a hundred years.” A fake Daoist priest is fighting with a young woman over what looks like the Jade Purity fan.
The woman replies, “That’s mine. Give it back to me!”
Though she stretches up on her toes, the con artist, a head taller, keeps the fan out of reach.
I forcefully snatched the fan away. The crook, suddenly alarmed, starts to argue, then changes his mind, staring intently. He’s smart enough to avoid arguing with me. This little boy knows not to fight with a man like me.
I turn my attention to the woman who is staring at me with wide, teary eyes, as if she’s seeing a lost lover. When she hurls herself at me, my body tenses and stiffens. I pull her off me watching confusion cloud over her face. Her gaze is full of longing searches and pleads with me for what? I do not know.
She’s talking to herself softly, but I can still make out her words.
Susu, he must be here with his wife and pretending not to know you.
“Young Lady, where did you get this fan?” It’s not my intention to sound curt, but she takes it that way.
Her lashes flutter. Blinking rapidly in confusion, the mortal woman addresses me as “Ye Hua”.
I purposefully softened my tone to calm her, then said, “My name is Mo Yuan. I’m not Ye Hua,”
The woman, a mortal, takes a few steps back, studies me, and asks in a low voice, “You’re not Ye Hua?”
I shake my head lightly before answering, “No. How do you know Ye Hua?”
The mortal woman is dazed and cautiously answers in a soft voice, “Ye Hua is my husband.”
I scoff, thinking Ye Hua is old enough to be interested in women, but I didn’t expect him to be rebellious. What would his grandfather think if he knew his protegee was breaking Celestial laws and marrying mortal women.
Bai Qian, my student and Ye Hua’s fiancee will not like this at all.
I have no interest in interfering in my twin’s love life. I merely want to know about Seventeen’s Jade Purity Fan.
“Is this fan yours?” I ask again.
The mortal drops her gaze to the distance between our feet and replies, “I found it.”
“Where did you find it?” My voice reflects my piqued interest.
“On the bridge by my house,” The mortal woman answers.
I ask in my gentlest tone, “Can you show me?”
To my surprise, she takes me to where she found the fan without asking why or what and for this I am grateful. As we walk, she turns back, glancing over her shoulder a few times. She still thinks I might be Ye Hua.
She takes me to a little thatched roofed hut at the foot of Mount Junji and points to the bridge telling me this was where she found the fan. Immortal energy flows rippling through the area, creating an ethereal atmosphere.
My magic, honed over centuries of existence, flows through me and out searching for any sign of immortal presence, particularly Bai Qian’s. However, to my disappointment, there is nothing. Perhaps Ye Hua, my twin brother, might have seen something that could shed light on this mystery.
“Is your husband Ye Hua here?” I ask, gesturing towards the humble thatched hut behind us.
The mortal woman continues to watch me with a mix of longing and confusion that pours from her eyes.
“No, he’s gone,” she replies, her gaze still fixed on me, as if hoping against hope that I will reveal myself as her beloved husband, Ye Hua.
“When will he be back?”
“I don’t know,” the mortal replies with sadness in her eyes. “Maybe not for another year.”
Since she is studying me, I step to her and study her. Her delicate facial features, especially something in her eyes remind me of my disciple, but this woman couldn’t be Bai Qian. She is mortal.
I don’t know why I ask, but I do. “What is your name?”
The intensity of her stare is unnerving; it feels as if she’s trying to peer into my very being.
Perhaps this attracted Ye Hua to her. Though I have long since lost interest in women, I find something intriguing about her.
“My name is Susu.” She replies.
Mo Yuan
In the mortal realm, Mount Junji is where the earth and Heavens are nearest. The mountain eastern range is relatively deserted because most people choose the easier route on the western side.
Susu lives all the way up on the highest peak in the east and seems to live by herself. This is possibly intentional. To keep his human wife hidden from his grandfather, I believe Ye Hua purposefully selected this place.
She’s not afraid of me. My resemblance to Ye Hua clouds her judgement. She seems to trust me because of our likeness. SuSu should be cautious, as not all men possess my upright character.
Her humble home mirrors the desolation of her surroundings. The inside is pitch dark, with only a single candle illuminating her bedroom, the largest area in the dwelling. The sight of her and her home evokes a sense of pity, as her mortal life is fleeting and full of the inevitable bitterness of aging and death.
I know little about my twin even though we share the same face and it’s not my place to judge Ye Hua, but keeping this mortal in such a lonely existence seems cruel. He’s not in the position to come and go as he pleases being under his vigilant grandfather. His time to spend with this woman can only be few stolen moments, yet to keep her alone waiting just for him. Mo Yuan, what Ye Hua does with his wife isn’t your business.
SuSu, who has barely spoken since our encounter at the teahouse, gazes at me with genuine hope, searching for any sign of familiarity, as if she thinks or expects for me to reveal myself as Ye Hua playing a trick on her.
She shyly asks to touch my hand, and as I grant her permission, my curiosity piqued. She brings the back of my hand to her nose, her warm breath caressing my skin. Inhaling deeply twice, she releases my hand and reluctantly admits what I already know – that I am not Ye Hua.
Disheartened, SuSu walks away, her steps heavy and halting, her disappointment etched on her youthful face.
In this moment, I find myself intrigued, finally understanding why Ye Hua was so drawn to this mortal woman.
It is not her physical appearance, which is naturally pleasant, nor her mannerisms, which are not displeasing either. Instead, it is her enigmatic nature that intrigues me. Curiously, I ask if I can visit SuSu again, despite the likelihood of it not happening.
SuSu, who has been solemn since our encounter, surprises me with a shy smile and gives her permission.
SuSu~
How could there be another man that looks so much like Ye Hua? All along she had kept hoping he would confess to being Ye Hua playing a terrible trick on her, but one sniff of his skin told her he was telling the truth. He wasn’t Ye Hua.
Seeing the man’s face was both pleasant and distressful. It reminded her of how much she longed for Ye Hua.
SuSu entered her small hut with a heavy heart. She sought solace from the stabbing pain in her heart caused by the man resembling Ye Hua. Doubt and anguish consumed her, eroding her faith in her husband. She fought back tears, desperately clinging to fading hope.
It was in this vulnerable moment when all she felt was despair that she heard Ye Hua’s voice emanating from the copper mirror, which had been a cherished possession between them. A surge of relief washed over her as Ye Hua’s voice resonated with joy, momentarily dispelling her doubts and fears.
She, longing for an unshakable connection that would anchor them together, made a heartfelt request for a child, believing that it would bind Ye Hua to her forever. The sound of his joyful response ignited a spark of hope within her, and she anxiously awaited his return.
A year passed, and just as she had resigned herself to the possibility of an eternal separation, Ye Hua suddenly reappeared in her life.
She was overwhelmed seeing him in the kitchen, cooking with casual nonchalance as if he’d never been gone. SuSu burst into tears, overjoyed and relieved—but not for long. Ye Hua ruined it by announcing he’s leaving again, right at dinner.
Why was he doing this to her? Didn’t he understand she couldn’t bear the loneliness? The pain of separation had become unbearable for her, and she found herself reaching her breaking point. She demanded that they stay together, unwilling to endure any more separation. To her astonishment, Ye Hua, recognized the depth of her suffering, agreed to take her with him.
Their night of sweet reunion was one full of euphoria. He and she made love passionately, sharing one breath with an everlasting kiss, their sweaty bodies intertwining and their desires becoming one. Every release from Ye Hua filled her with a sense of belonging, a reminder that she was his and he was hers.
At daybreak, they started their trip to a mysterious location. She was so enamored with Ye Hua that she silently followed, content just to be near him. To her astonishment, he guided her to an immortal realm.
He could have been one of them. He effortlessly carried himself like an immortal, while SuSu struggled to find her bearings in this new realm.
In the evening, Ye Hua took her to a heavenly place where the air was filled with the intoxicating scent of sweet peach wine. It felt like a dream. As they strolled through the enchanting landscape, she marveled at the sight of peach blossoms falling from the trees like a gentle rain, creating a magical ambiance that seemed straight out of a dream.
However, their blissful time together was interrupted when SuSu fell ill. She was with child.
Ye Hua, with what seems like magic, returned her back to their home at Junji Mountain. He promised her that this would be his last time leaving her side, swearing to return before their child’s birth.
“Susu, you must not cross the bridge. My family will find you since you carry my child.” he had told her.
Despite not fully understanding why? She promised to stay safe in the woods, as Ye Hua asked. Gently pressing his forehead to hers, he faded away like the morning mist.
Three Years Later~
I press the rattle to my cheek, feeling its smooth surface against my skin. It’s somehow cold and warm at once, a contradictory sensation that clench my heart leaving me breathless. As I hold this rattle, I can’t help but wonder what he looks like when he holds it. Does he have fat cheeks? Are his eyes round like mine or narrow like his fathers?
Does he smile and coo at it drooling as babies do, finding delight in the tinkering sounds it makes? Or does it frighten him, causing him to pull away in confusion? Perhaps he stares at it curiously, trying to understand its purpose and how it fits into his world.
These questions occupy my thoughts, but I don’t know any of this. I don’t even know what he looks like because I’m blind.
My pregnancy, which lasted three years, was long and miserable. This is the gestation period for immortal babies. My husband, Ye Hua, wasn’t a hunter. He is the crown prince in Celestial Heavens and promised to marry a monarch from Qingqui. She will be his empress and Sujin, his beloved, is supposed to marry him, too. I discovered he named me Susu after Sujun.
He must have been thinking about her when we used to be intimate. Did he look into my contorted from climax face and see hers? I think he did.
It turned out my marriage was just an illusion. No, not even an illusion. It was a farce.
The family he feared would discover me did. His grandfather found me in the forest after I ran there when I heard Ye Hua’s name called from the mirror. His grandfather is the Skylord and Ye Hua had broken celestial rules marrying me.
I’m certain they would have killed me without hesitation or a sliver of remorse if I wasn’t carrying his child, but being pregnant didn’t stop them from blinding me after Sujin staged an accident on the punishment platform. That platform is where I will go to return home alone without my son.
This is best for everyone. My love affair with Ye Hua and the facade that was our marriage is nothing but a distant memory.
Even before I lost my sight, he didn’t come to me anymore. I saw him less than a dozen times over the last three years. We never shared a bed again, embraced, or kissed again. He hates me for hurting Sujun.
Despite my innocence, he robbed me of my sight. He did it regardless of my begging, and now I’m terrified of him. His scent, once so desired that I grew wet from it, now repulses me. The thought of him touching me is repugnant.
He came to me a few days ago with fine brocades for a wedding dress and said he was going to marry me. His pity for this shell of the person I used to be makes my blood run cold. His vision of our future is laughable. He is more blind than me, thinking we have something left between us.
I regret ever meeting him. If I could go back in time, I would have walked away, then save him.
I am damaged goods, unsalvageable and he, my once beloved husband, is the one who broke me. I’m leaving since he’s ruined me and I refuse to be a weight on my son. The immortals scorn my immortality. Leaving him is the best decision for my son and me.
My hand presses down on the bed where I gave birth as I whisper my farewell. My son was the only thing that kept me feeling somewhat alive these past three years. His kicks reminded me that someone acknowledged my existence.
The son is named A-li. Using the character for separation, I decided to name him knowing he and I would soon separate.
I knew I was leaving. To save myself, I haven’t touched A-li yet. I haven’t allowed myself to even smell him out of the fear I would form some maternal bond to him making it impossible to leave.
I will forget my son. I will forget everything.
“Does Mistress need help?” the new servants ask when I stand on my waving my hands in front of me.
I answer, “I know the way.”
They think they’re whispering, but I hear every word. They are wondering what kind of disease rendered me blind. Then they hush each other since Ye Hua has mandated a command not to speak of how or why I’m blind. It’s clear he’s embarrassed and ashamed of me.
The path to Zhuxian terrace has been etched in my memory. I have spent countless hours perfecting my walk along this path, both in the company of Nai Nai and in solitude. Each step I take brings forth a flood of bittersweet emotions that sway more on bitter than sweet, memories that I pray hope will fade with time.
Amongst the memories that resurface, one stands out with particular clarity – the image of Ye Hua’s intense gaze, filled with longing and desire. our wedding night, when our bodies intertwined in a passionate embrace. The way we connected, his touch, it shook me to the core with a passion I never wanted to end.
While walking to the fragrant lotus ponds, I trip falling on the stone steps. I quickly pick myself up. It’s just stumble that strengthened my will; I sense my destination is near. The heavy, foul aura hangs palpable in the air around Zhuxian terrace.
I remove my shoes, feeling the coolness of the steps beneath my feet. As my fingers brush against the copper mirror in my pocket, I am reminded of the only gift Ye Hua ever gave me.
It was a precious keepsake, a tangible reminder of our love, and the weight of its significance fills me with conflicting emotions.
I find myself yearning to hear Ye Hua’s voice once more.
Is it the longing for his presence, the desire to relive the moments we shared, or is it a desperate plea to remind myself of the pain and heartbreak he caused me?
Perhaps it is a combination of both.
“Ye Hua?” I speak into the mirror for the first time in what feels like a lifetime.
He replies. His strained tone reveals his anxiety.
I tell that I’m leaving A-li in his care. I ask him not to tell our son he is half mortal since immortals look down upon me.
“Fàng kāi wǒ wǒ fang kāi nǐ. Ye Hua, release me, I release you.”
I tell him we don’t owe each other anything.
Mo Yuan~
“Mo Yuan have you ever seen Ye Hua’s mortal wife, Susu?” Zhe Yan mentions my brother’s wife.
Zhe Yan has recently met her and noticed what he thinks are unsettling resemblances between Susu and Bai Qian, a powerful immortal. Because she wore a blindfold, he could only see the bottom of her face.
This is news to me as I lack interest in staying current with Celestial happenings. Ye Hua surprises me by bringing her in front of his grandfather. Perhaps he wanted their fates to last longer than three mortal months. The last time I saw Susu, it was back on Mount Junji. I am curious why she is blind and wearing a blindfold, as she had not been visually impaired before.
Zhe Yan explains that Bai Zhi’s granddaughter, Bai Fengjiu, who is currently in Nine Heavens repaying a debt, has befriended Susu and shared the details of Susu’s blindness.
Sujin, who harbored powerful feelings for Ye Hua, had set a trap for Susu, resulting in an incident on the punishment platform that damaged Sujin’s eyes. What a wicked woman to entrap a weak mortal like Susu just to get Ye Hua.
I’ve known women like Sujin who will resort to unethical means to get her prize. I’m fairly certain she sure staged all of it and the results must have pleased her. As compensation, Susu’s eyes were taken by Ye Hua himself. And it is revealed that Susu was carrying Ye Hua’s child all this time. Ye Hua claimed her pregnancy was nothing but payment for saving his life.
Zhe Yan urges me to find Susu, as something about her is bothering him. He believes she had a connection to Bai Qian, especially since she possessed Bai Qian’s fan and has the scent of his peaches.
Though I feel like I am grasping at straws, I have no other leads and decide to seek Susu.
Upon reaching Nine Heavens, I contemplate requesting Ye Hua’s consent to meet his wife, but falter. Knowing the Skylord’s stoicism, I’m certain Susu’s presence is creating conflict between the Skylord and Ye Hua.
Her residence is the Hall of Beautiful Youth. The servants say she’s alone walking near the lotus ponds. I throw them a disapproving gaze for letting her go alone, and rush to the lotus pounds. She is not there, but further standing on the Zhuxian terrace’s platform and, as Zhe Yan said, she is wearing a blindfold.
She stands in a dangerous place, precariously too close to Zhuxian terrace. While designed to punish immortals, this platform ensures the utter destruction of any human who jumps from it. It turns them to powder.
I eavesdrop on Susu and Ye Hua’s hushed conversation; the ominous wind removes her blindfold, revealing Bai Qian, Seventeen’s face. Bai Qian’s mortal form is obviously Susu.
I catch her just before she falls into the darkness and as I hold her trembling body; I know this is my disciple.
She’s startled, trembling like a leaf, but I embrace her protectively close and whisper. “You are safe now, Seventeen, Shifu is here,” She collapses like a limp handkerchief in my arms.