Ex Wive’s Club
“Meimie,” Min Qian Ju asks, her voice is affectionate with sisterly warmth, “how long do you plan to elude the emperor?”
With nimble fingers, she carefully chooses and peels a mandarin sent by Ming’s mother. When I was young, his mother would chase me away from her fruit trees with a broom, cursing my name. But now that I’m the empress, she regularly sends me baskets.
The citrus skin releases tiny oil sprays when peeled. The students’ room is filled with the fresh, tangy scent of ripe fruit while a fire crackles merrily in the large bronze brazier in the corner. The new school’s dormitory, which will open in under a month, feels cozy despite its size thanks to the warmth of the furnace. As I fold one of the many blankets in my lap and set it on top of the others, I contemplate how to answer the question posed to me by Min Qian Ju, the only person I allow to address me as her little sister other than my older brother, Yi Bo.
Once, she was known by the name Lady Min. She was Jinghua’s second wife. She and I were once on opposing sides, love rivals, but life is serendipitous and human fates are unpredictable. She and I have something unique that binds us together.
We, the sole members of Jinghua’s ex-wives’ club, understand the true bitterness of his abandonment.
The best way to describe how I returned from Qingshui City was in ruins. I was completely broken. When I look back on my mental and physical state, I’m surprised I made it through. The pain had been so intense, I honestly thought nobody had ever hurt as much as me. If they had, they would surely be dead.
I was in shock over Jinghua’s death and bewildered by his letter of annulment.
The annulment stripped me of my right to grieve him openly as his legitimate widow, so I mourned him in private inside my room since my brother had forbidden it. When I wasn’t lighting incense, burning joss money and praying for him, I spent my days in sitting in my room, rehashing our marriage and trying to make sense of the divorce. My nights I roamed around my parent’s property like a lost ghost.
That’s how he had left me, a shadow of the person I had been months before. Hunger and thirst ceased to tempt me, and I stopped consuming food and water, believing they were no longer vital. Despite being pregnant, the anticipation of new life was overshadowed by the overwhelming numbness within me as I destroyed myself. The world around me had become hazy and distant, and the pain I felt seemed to cast a dark shadow over everything. I struggled to find purpose in prolonging my miserable existence, as hope, like a distant memory, slipped through my fingers.
Though everyone tried to step in, their concerned voices ringing in my ears, their words were lost on me as the world seemed to go mute. I was hollowed out, like an empty shell, lacking any warmth or life.
Amid my desolation, Jinghua’s ex-second wife appeared before me. She had come at my mother’s request, a desperate attempt to mend the broken pieces of my shattered existence. There was history between us because of what had happened at her birthday party when she beat me up. We didn’t know each other well, but we shared a commonality.
Jinghua had thrown us both away with no explanation.
Sitting by my bedside, Min Qian Ju openly talked about their loveless marriage. Her words painted a poignant picture of years spent doubting her own value. Feeling inadequate and believing that trying harder would make him notice her, she was almost shattered. She admitted to using an aphrodisiac on him, not because she craved his desire, but because she felt empty when he left her alone for years. She wanted his child to keep her company. She confessed that if they had been sexually active, she would have had resorted to having an affair to conceive a child.
My story seemed disastrous, but her marriage with Jinghua was even more bitter.
She told me not to cry for him anymore, as he didn’t deserve our tears in life and even less in death. She urged we should live with more enthusiasm and love, stronger, as we had survived the storm that was Jinghua. Then she fed me my first bite of food after weeks of starvation. Since then, our friendship has flourished into sisterhood. We are now inseparable, bonded by our shared pains, experiences and the strength we found in each other.
She, a dear unwed friend of mine, was introduced to Qing Yuan, another dear unwed friend, by me.
Last year, during a school opening, she donated her late father’s extensive book collection. That’s when I formally introduced her to Qing Yuan. Before that, they both knew of each other through Jinghua, but their interactions were brief and insignificant, as an occasional greeting here and there. However, everything changed when they spent an afternoon arranging books together. Their connection was immediate, and they talked late into the night about everything and anything, until the school had to close its gates.
Min Qian Ju laughed at his terrible jokes. She found them genuinely funny, and she made him feel butterflies in his stomach, according to Qing Yuan. He was straightforward about his feelings and wooed her. He proposed to her after a few months of knowing her. She accepted his friendship but rejected his romantic affections. She was traumatised and unwilling to risk her heart again. Jinghua had made her believe she wasn’t pleasing enough, as he never gave her his heart or body.
It was after Jinghua came back with A-ming; I told Min Qian Ju what he had said to me: he likes simple uncomplicated women over noble daughters he found to be high maintenance. She finally understood that it hadn’t been her fault. Jinghua’s indifference had nothing to do with her lacking something or not being attractive enough for him. It wasn’t because she didn’t pay attention to his needs. Their failed marriage was solely due to him. She understood there was nothing she could have done to salvage their loveless union.
This allowed her to move on finally, after finding closure. She let herself fall in love again. Min Qian Ju accepted Qing Yuan’s affections. It was only four months ago that Min Qian Ju and Shao Qing Yuan got married. Qing Yuan dotes on her, showering her with the affection she never received from Jinghua. In fact, that showering of affection led to her current state. After years of wanting a baby, she is four months pregnant. Qing Yuan wasted no time getting her pregnant on their first night together, earning him the nickname “Quick Qing Yuan” from Min Qian Ju and me.
“Meimie, stop hiding. He’s the emperor. It’s surprising that he still doesn’t know you’re pregnant.” She speaks between sipping her tea carefully, making sure not to smudge her perfectly rouged lips. Her makeup is flawless as usual. As a duke’s daughter, she possesses the sophistication that I often lack.
“Jiejie, the emperor will find out soon enough, and it won’t be like you and Qing Yuan because I’m not the only one pregnant in his harem. Noble Consort Shao just announced last week that she’s five months along. Trust me, my pregnancy isn’t a big deal.” I say this while searching for a firmer mandarin in the basket, one that I think will be more tart than sweet. It’s unfortunate the mandarins aren’t sour plums. I’ve been craving tart and sour foods for days.
“Noble Consort Shao is going to lose her mind when she learns that you are pregnant again, but at least Jinghua’s wife is no longer pregnant. That would have been awkward for both of us. I just saw A-ming in a classroom, learning to read and write with the shifu you found for her. Despite recently suffering a miscarriage, she doesn’t seem bothered.”
Min Qian Ju shifts on the mattress, adjusting her legs for comfort. “And you, it’s strange. No, it’s more than strange. It’s bizarre that you would befriend her. She’s the woman who was married to the man who used you purely to satisfy his carnal needs.”
Her spite for Jinghua deepens her feminine pitch as she curses our ex-husband out loud. “What a dog he was! Good riddance! I wish erectile disfunction on him! Still, meimei, you are too kind for your own good.”
As I glance out the frost-kissed window, the radiant sun casts a warm glow, promising a touch of comfort amidst the chilly air. The crisp, frigid breeze bears hints of winter’s arrival. The delicate frost lightly traces the edges of the glass pane, a visual reminder that soon our surroundings will be transformed into a white wonderland. It’s essential that I remember to send A-ming and her children thicker clothing, as well as ample coal, to keep their manor cozy.
This winter will mark A-ming’s first experience in the bustling capital, and Jinghua, who has been preoccupied with the emperor’s affairs, remains oblivious to the intricacies of running a household. Min Qian Ju had always taken care of such matters during their marriage.
The room’s stillness is disturbed by a faint knock. A-Ming, the protagonist of Min Qian Ju’s chatter, enters the scene. I smile and invite her in. She curtseys and hands me a wooden board. She writes with chalk that she’s leaving for the day, proud and happy. She should be proud of herself. She has come a long way in a short time from being illiterate.
I speak slowly, making sure A-Ming can read my lips. “Your handwriting is beautiful,” I say, pointing to Min Qian Ju. “It’s even better than a duke’s daughter. Your strokes are clean and neat. Soon you’ll be able to teach the other disabled students to read and write.” A-Ming smiles and does her silent laugh when I stroke her arm. This is our way of signaling for her to pay attention to what I’m telling her.
“You need to take the carriage home. I insist. It’s too soon after your miscarriage to walk long distances.” A-Ming waves her hand and shakes her head, refusing my offer. But I make it clear, “A-ming, you don’t have a choice. As empress, I’m ordering you to obey me.”
A-ming nods, confirming that she understands. She communicates silently that is entirely her own. She gestures towards me, pats my chest over my heart, and smiles broadly. This signifies that she values my kindness towards her that comes from my heart. A-ming shows respect to Min Qian Ju with a bow. Min Qian Ju returns the gesture with a smile. She smiles politely, but it lacks genuine warmth. It’s the one she gives to people she doesn’t like.
Before the door even fully closes, Min Qian Ju stares at me in disbelief. “That was so bizarre! It’s weird for you and her to be so cordial. Empress is a true role model to other women, but I just don’t get it. Not in the slightest!”
Min Qian Ju and nobody else understands my friendship with A-ming. Our relationship started with a secret promise, which makes it difficult for others to comprehend our closeness. Similar to life, situations can be complex and not always easy for everyone to comprehend.
A few weeks after Jinghua announced her pregnancy, A-ming came to the unopened school I was building for the disabled. I wasn’t pleased to see her, and I didn’t understand why she requested a private audience with me. If there hadn’t been so many teachers and laborers present, I might have denied her request, but it was fate that we would meet and secrets would be revealed.
Through body language and her way of signing, she told me everything Jinghua should have, but didn’t. Why was he so bad at communicating?
Jinghua and she were not married, and the children were not his. Jinghua had found and saved her from fake soldiers who had killed her husband, kidnapped her and her firstborn, Bigen. The soldiers dragged her and her son around for weeks while raping her in front of her son. She told me her second son was resulted from those rapes, but she loved him as he was an innocent child.
She told me that Jinghua still had feelings for me and secretly watched Haoyu when he visited the emperor. They had only been intimate once, when she wore my dress and pretended to be me. However, this encounter resulted in an unwanted pregnancy for her. A-ming was worried that having a child with Jinghua would put her other children in a difficult situation. She didn’t want them to be treated differently because they were not of imperial bloodline and A-ming also admitted that she didn’t enjoy living in the capital.
Although she didn’t explicitly say it, I sensed that she didn’t intend to stay with Jinghua for much longer. Having a child together would only complicate things if she wanted to leave.
She asked me to help her end her third pregnancy, but I urged her to think again and again after that. Despite our ill-fated history, it still stung knowing she was harming Jinghua’s child. I offered to hide her and her children until after the baby’s birth. I even suggested I take the unwanted baby. I swore I would raise the baby as my own, but A-ming’s mind was set. She was determined. My attempts to convince her that day were unsuccessful.
I hoped she would change her mind. I thought her motherly instincts would kick in as the child grew inside her. However, when I heard whispers of her searching for private midwives or doctors for an abortion, I was alarmed for her. Her activities worried me because those clinics use risky methods that have caused countless deaths. Despite my own beliefs, I felt compelled to step in. I repeatedly asked her to reconsider. I didn’t want her to do it, but it was ultimately her body, hence her choice. I sent her an abortive tonic disguised as prenatal care. As she wanted, she miscarried three days after taking the tonic.
This is how my and A-ming’s friendship was formed, with a shared promise and a secret.
Min Qian Ju sets her cup down quickly, leaning in towards me. She speaks, a mischievous smirk on her face, breaking me out of my reverie to discuss something I’ve been trying to ignore. “Do you remember anything from that night? You must remember something.”
The tangy citrus fruit explodes with juice as I devour it whole, splattering everywhere and earning a grimace from her. But her disgusted expression sets me off in laughter, leading to even more juice dripping down my chin.
“I remember nothing. Not a single thing.” I reply, removing the sticky juice from my face with my hand, feeling its wetness against my skin, disregarding the handkerchief that she’s extending towards me.
“How unfortunate. I can imagine he surpasses Jinghua’s skills. The emperor must have honed his techniques through countless endeavors,” Min Qian Ju calls out with amusement in her voice, referring to the emperor’s nightly rounds with his concubines’ efforts to perfect his endeavors.
Min Qian Ju’s sly remarks echo in the background. “The emperor does put off the air of accomplishment.”
I arrange folded blankets on each of the students’ beds and fluff the pillows, trying to keep myself busy. Min Qian Ju is insinuating something more provocative as she addresses me from behind. “I understand they are twins, but now that you’d had them both. Do they truly mirror each other in every single aspect?”
“Jiejie, please be more respectful. That’s inappropriate to speak of.” I scold her, asserting my authority as the empress. Then, I recall the morning I woke up in Jingyuan’s bed. It was awkward, but I did manage to see Jingyuan clearly.
“But they aren’t identical. The emperor has a different lifestyle. He’s more sedentary than fourth prince who is indeed more active, so the emperor is broader but not at all overweight. I didn’t know the emperor was so solid and masculine. He’s extremely muscular and fit.” I say, wondering why I never noticed his physique before when he’s been sleeping in my bed once a month for five years. I suppose I looked away while he was getting changed in my bedroom.
Why do I feel a sudden rush of heat imagining him without clothes?
“Oh, he’s more substantial. Thicker in all the important places, I would assume.” Min Qian Ju utters snickering and dramatically swallows her saliva, then admits, “I think the emperor is absolutely dashing. His mustache and beard is pleasing to look at. Meimie, you should make good use out of that fine mustache. If you know what I mean?” She giggles wildly. She whispers, “He can give you ‘imperial mustache rides’,” her hand cupped over her mouth, even though we’re alone.
Initially, I find her mischief a little funny, but then my expression becomes deadpan. “Jiejie, I didn’t know the emperor was so to your liking. You should have told me sooner. I could have selected you to become a consort in his harem.”
Women being attracted to my emperor husband is a common occurrence. This is not the first time a woman has expressed attraction to him, and it won’t be the last, but I’ve become desensitized to it.
“Oh, no! I could never.” Min Qing Ju exclaimed, fluttering her lashes and rolling her eyes. “Whenever he touched me,” she begins, her words trailing off, as if lost in the depths of her thoughts. “I would think about the other eighty women he has been intimate with. Not to mention the fact all these women were virgins served to him on a platter. Some men become addicted to deflowering women.” She blurts out. Her words are punctuated by the echoing sound of her scoff. “Qing Yuan has promised to never take another wife and he better keep his word or I’ll make a eunuch out of him.”
“Meimei,” she speaks in a tone that oozes respect for something I’m not proud of, “you’re different from me and most other women.” Her fingers traced the delicate pattern on the silk fabric of her dress, before resting on her non-existent pregnancy bump. “You’re cut from a tougher cloth. I couldn’t share my husband like you and I would die before I become someone’s second again. I had enough of that with Jinghua.”
Just like that.
Min Qian Ju verbalizes what has been bothering me lately, and it’s the reason I’ve been avoiding him. I used to be indifferent to this issue, but now whenever I think of Jingyuan, I imagine him as a walking erection in a grand Dragon Robe, drenched by the scents of other women. I realized after being intimate with him; I had indirectly fornicated with every member of the imperial harem.
It’s truly repulsive.
I was fully aware before getting married that he already had multiple wives and may have more in the future. I knew I would only have him on the full moon. I’m being ridiculous, but I can’t control this feeling. I can’t shake off this resentment of sharing him with other women. I feel like one of his many vessels to bear his children. Even my pregnancy is overshadowed by Noble Consorts. Instead of feeling blessed, I feel trapped and cursed.
I loved Jinghua and became pregnant with Haoyu. The situation feels upside down and backwards—I’m carrying Jingyuan’s child, but have no romantic feelings for him.
Did I expect too much by simply desiring a modest life? I didn’t care about being a princess or having wealth. All I wanted was to be the sole wife of a faithful man and have children with him. This humble dream, however, turned out to be unattainable.
Why didn’t I marry someone normal, like Qing Yuan, instead of being forever stuck with a polygynist husband? And why did I just add twelve more women to his harem? Since learning of my pregnancy and especially after my mother’s private physician told me I was probably carrying twins again, I have consider running away to a far distant temple in another country where nobody would find me and raising my children alone. I’d rather be husbandless than…
Sigh. Why do I find my life suddenly so unbearable?
I was severely depressed during my first pregnancy, and I’m feeling that same way now. I’m crying again. I’m so sick of crying. That’s all I do these days. My hormones are making me crazy. The rollercoaster of emotions that come with being pregnant is overwhelming, and I break down. In this moment, I turn away from Min Qian Ju, so she doesn’t see me cry. I feel embarrassed and frustrated with myself for not being able to control my emotions. It seems like no matter how hard I try, I can’t stop the tears from flowing and the sobs from escaping.
My vision blurs as tears streamed down my face, overwhelmed by the flood of emotions. However, Little Min’s frantic arrival, with her messy look and shaky voice, snaps me out of my wallowing. In a state of panic, she announces, “The emperor is here and coming this way!”
“He’s here!? Here? As in now?!” I ask in disbelief. Little Min’s nervous eyes, darting quickly between nods and tilts, make my fear a reality. “Yes, he’s down the hallway!”
I don’t understand how this is possible. There was an important assembly at the palace that should have kept the emperor preoccupied for hours. My heart races as I nervously pace back and forth in the same spot, my footsteps creating a soft shuffling thud on the polished wooden floor. Beside me, Min Qian Ju frets, her anxious movements accompanied by the rustling of her clothes as she readies herself to greet the emperor.
I avoided him for two months, so I won’t see him today. I spot my salvation, a weathered storage chest in the dorm’s corner room. It looks old and possibly dusty inside, but it’s roomy enough for two. I signaled for Little Min to hurry. She rushes to me while the emperor’s voice getting closer sounds clearer. We quickly climb inside, feeling the coolness. Before closing the lid, I whisper urgently to Min Qian Ju, “Don’t tell him I’m here! Just get rid of him!”
The chest closes with a snap, precisely when the door swings open and I hear Min Qian Ju say, “Greetings, emperor.”
“Where is the empress?” Jingyuan asks. “I heard she was in here?”
Min Qing Ju answers. “The empress is back in her palace,”
He poses a question. “Back to her palace? Already?” he continues, “It feels like we’re constantly playing a game of cat and mouse. Must I seek private audience to see her face?”
“I think the empress was tired today, so she retired early,” Min Qian Ju says. She speaks sweetly, with no deception. She impresses me. I’ll remember to send her a gift to appreciate her service today.
Jingyuan replies. “Well, I’ll look for her there. You’re looking healthy and at peace, Min Qian Ju. I understand you’re pregnant. It seems Qing Yuan is doing a fine job keeping you happy. Take care.”
“May your journey back to the palace be safe, emperor and thank you.” She says in parting.
I offer my prayers of gratitude to the Gods as I hear his weighty footsteps recede, their echoes fading into the distance. The creaking of the door opening and closing sounding heavenly. Min Qian Ju remains motionless, aware of the possibility of his return. She waits a few more minutes and cautiously lifts the lid of the trunk. I take a deep inhale of fresh air. She assures me that the coast is clear, her words whispered softly, barely audible. With a surge of relief, I reach out and gently grasp her face, pressing my lips to both sides of her cheeks
“I owe you one. In case I haven’t told you recently, jiejie, you’re my best friend.” I say to Min Qian Ju. “I’ll send you the coral jewelry set the emperor gave me on my last birthday. The one you love!”
The other member of the Ex-wives’ club hugs me back and Min Qian Ju whispers in my ear. “Keep your jewelry, empress and stop running from the emperor. Run to him instead and hop on that fine mustache and beard of his. Let the emperor give you an imperial orgasm. Everything feels so intense when you’re pregnant. I rode Qing Yuan so hard he could barely walk when I was finished. I’m getting aroused just thinking about it.”
“Empress, take this opportunity to appreciate the emperor and spoil your pregnant body with a grand imperial celebration.” She tells me.
Min Qian Ju and her wicked mouth.