The White Lotus
50,000 years later
“Little brother A-li, twenty-one, are you that eager to leave us?”
My Kunlun brothers are hanging in the doorway, teasing me. Some are making silly faces, and some are smiling in the brotherly way they do. I look up from packing and sheepishly drop my head, reaching to scratch the back of my neck.
Senior brother Die Feng side-eyes everyone and scolds them, saying they should lower their voices on such a day. They all hush each other and, one by one, leave on tiptoes.
This year marks the fifty thousandth anniversary of Mother’s death.
Brother Die Feng sits on the edge of my bed and helps me fold my clothes, then sets them inside my suitcase. He says. “Well, A-li, are you ready?” I reply with a shrug of my shoulders.
“You will be missed. Our beloved brother, soon to be the official Celestial Crown Prince, is getting his royal seal.”
He calls me crown prince, then grabs both sides of my cheeks and shakes them as if I were five hundred years old.
“Where is your sister, our only female student, twenty?” He asks, intentionally rubbing coarse sea salt in the wound, and he knows it.
It has become a joke, as it is common knowledge that my younger sister Changchang has more seniority than I.
The girls awoke the moment mother and Xuan Nu died. Changchang stayed on Kunlun, and Uncle Mo Yuan accepted her as his twentieth disciple, which was quite unfair because I came a month after her, so despite being older, I became her junior.
It was outrageous. I raised this unreasonable issue with Uncle Mo Yuan, and his wise reply was, “First come, first served.” That’s what he said, straight-faced, without a hint of jest.
I expected my father to side with me, his firstborn son and heir, but he proved to be of no help.
He advised me to concede to Changchang with enthusiasm! Enthusiasm?! Because I was the eldest and my mother’s death had impacted her greatly, but I am fairly sure it’s because she and Ying’er call our father daddy. Such blatant favoritism should be against celestial laws, but I can’t dispute that my mother’s death changed my sister overnight.
We haven’t asked, but it seems she’s lost her telepathy magic. Changchang stopped touching people. If she must, she wears gloves, so nobody comes into contact with her exposed skin. She insisted on returning to Kunlun Mountain and became the perfect model of a Kunlun disciple, who sometimes put me to shame. She spends every moment reading, cultivating through meditating, or in the cauldron room with the doors locked.
Her dedication, according to Uncle Mo Yuan, is just like his when he was a student, and her father argues that she takes after him. When they think nobody is around, they bicker until Uncle Mo Yuan bullies his didi, my father. Father says being Uncle Mo Yuan’s didi is a wretched curse he doesn’t deserve, nor does he want it, but Father’s sly smile suggests otherwise.
Mother’s death affected everyone to different levels. Father returned from his trial thirty minutes after mother’s death. His confusion and shock were evident, yet he controlled his emotions for the girls, deferring his pain to a later, more private time.
I heard they clung to him and begged him not to leave them, too. Ying’er, since that day when she was not with Zhe Yan, or healing in all realms, she has been father’s assistant handling celestial matters.
They call her Xiao Ye Hua ( little Ye Hua) behind her back. This delighted father to no end. I think they have a secret I know nothing of, and he’s utterly shameless.
He doesn’t care. People call him the “Lord Dummy for his daughters”, though never to his face. Never to his cantankerous face if they have a brain.
Yingpei was young when his mother died. The girls were there for him during her trial. They tried their best to step into her shoes. He was fortunate. There was a significant discovery after his mother’s death. Besides the life forces of the white fox and black dragon, Yingpei also had Uncle Mo Yuan’s. Unbeknownst to mother or anyone else, Uncle Mo Yuan protected my didi by channeling his cultivation during his lucid periods.
The girls and I are jealous of him. He has our entire family flowing in his veins. Yingpei considers both father and uncle Mo Yuan as his fathers. He treats them with the same respect and filial piety.
Uncle Mo Yuan was like everyone else; he was shocked when he returned from his trial three months later. His mortal shell lived a long life, dying at ninety-two. He was a completely different man without Xuan Nu’s influence. He regrets his failure to detect when Xuan Nu was present, convinced things would not have become so extreme had he done so, and this regret persists.
He has yet to process her death. Sometimes I think he believes she’s still alive.
Uncle Mo Yuan also explained mother hadn’t a choice. Xuan Nu wouldn’t have been able to enter any female body. Because of the blood, it had to be mother or the girls and had mother not done what she did, the girls wouldn’t have woken up ever.
They would have remained suspended in that state, between life and death, for eternity. This insight dispelled the resentment many felt towards mother, but it didn’t take away the pain, and for me, I have a secret I will never repeat.
My mother came to me before the Kunlun Mountains. She hugged me tightly, but she had to leave. Before she left, she asked me to seal her magic. Actually, she asked me to take her magic for safekeeping. I still hold my mother’s fox magic. It’s my secret.
She told me to pluck a white lotus from the celestial pond and wait for her return. She kissed me and apologized for leaving me as Susu. I’m sure she told us all this, but she said I was her favorite child.
She kept her promise and came back when the Kunlun bells rang. I could feel her presence, and it was a beautiful sensation. Her love, hugs, and kisses were surrounded by her motherly devotion. I stood ready, white lotus in hand, to capture a piece of her broken soul. This is well known.
That White Lotus, Bai Lianhua, is in Qingqui guarded by High Immortal Xinlan. Once Ying’er’s assistant is the White Lotus’s virgin protector and has been for the last fifty thousand years.
Brother Die Feng smacks his thigh and stands up abruptly. He says, “We need lots of tea. There’s no space on Kunlun Mountain this year. The number of people is increasing every year, surrounding the mountain’s base. They come here to pray for our little seventeen, your mother.” His eyes become misty, and he sniffles, overwhelmed by his emotions.
“I’m done here. I can gather the small things tomorrow. I’ll get meimei. She’s probably in the cauldron room. We’ll make more tea.” I reply, shutting my suitcase. I glance around the room once used by my mother and make my way to the cauldron room to get Changchang.
Along the way, I greet immortals from all eight wildernesses and four seas. There’s cousin Bai Fengjiu and her husband, Donghua Dijin, making the rounds, greeting everyone. I hope Donghua Dijin doesn’t stand too close to the pillars. Someone might mistake him for one of them.
They are all here for Mother’s Memorial. What started with a few has now become an annual occasion for immortals to honor mother.
It started with Uncle Mo Yuan, who spent all free time meditating and being twins’ father, recognized what he was doing. Uncle Mo Yuan was collecting mother’s soul.
When possible, despite all his Celestial matters, Father came to Kunlun, sat across from his brother, and began meditating too. Then, Zhe Yan, the disciples, and all immediate and distant family members from both the Fox and Celestial clans gathered. The word spread like wildfire.
To meditate on a shared thought, immortals make a pilgrimage to Kunlun Mountain for Mother’s Memorial Day. The shared thought is: Gugu, come back to us.
We gather here where mother was last alive. We hope our prayers and meditations will serve as a beacon to guide the pieces of her shattered soul to return and reunite. We are all still waiting.
A-li is still waiting. Mother, come back to me.
Changchang~
A-li bangs forcefully on the locked door, creating demanding thuds. “Meimei, open the door!”
As I hide my magic, I have a moment to take in the surrounding scene. I scan the room, my eyes darting from corner to corner, ensuring that I have overlooked nothing or left anything out, telling of what I do.
The touch of my gloved fingers against the smooth surface of my pristine white Kunlun disciple robe, once belonging to my mother, brings me to my center. I gently run my hand over my top-knotted hair, feeling the rebellious waves of baby hair inherited from my father create mayhem at my temples.
They resist my touch, stubbornly clinging to their natural, wavy form. With patience and determination, I make several passes, smoothing them back in place. They seem to possess the same willpower as my mother. I turn my attention to my boots. With meticulous care, I buff them to a brilliant, mirror-like finish. Perfect.
“Come on, beauty queen, open the door! Set your vanity aside for a day!” He shouts.
Ali accuses me wrongly. He believes I’m vain, which is absolutely false. How I present myself is crucial because it also affects others. I dedicate myself to preserving the honor of Kunlun Mountain and preventing any dishonor to my brothers and Shifu Mo Yuan. My status as an imperial princess requires me to exert greater effort to uphold my Sky Lord father’s honor as well.
Now, fully attuned to my surroundings, I am ready to open the door. “I’m coming,” I call out, unlocking the doors.
“What took you so long?” A-li huffs and puffs, using both hands to open the doors wide and enter the room. His eagle eyes scan the room looking for any signs of what I was doing, then he gives me a visual once over with those eyes full of judgment. “Fancy. Are you going on a date?”
Stepping back, I prevent him from closing the distance. He believes himself to be sly. A-li side-steps to the right, moving like a crab. He lunges and I jump to my left. Because I don’t let anyone touch me, my brother thinks it’s hilarious to play a weird game of tag. His target is my face and neck. He can’t catch me. I’m as swift and agile as he. Here he goes using a freezing spell, and I am frozen in place.
What a low blow.
“Dege’s magic can’t be beaten, meimei.” Oh, is he smug, sauntering with dance-like steps to me with that crooked smile. “I’ll release you if you tell me what you’re always working on here. Or could it be you found our mother’s stash of erotic mortal stories? Tell me your secret.”
He’s not the first to ask this. My secret is intriguing to many, but unlike Dege, most possess the courtesy of respecting my privacy.
My refusal of physical contact is often misinterpreted because of a misconception about my lost magical abilities, which I don’t challenge. My secret’s simple: I don’t let people touch me because my mother entrusted me with her memories before she passed away.
We awoke from our coma to find our mother was dead. During the confusion, I slipped into the seclusion cave, only to find that my mother’s soul was gone. Then, an unfamiliar memory surfaced—her weeping, embracing our lifeless forms.
Right before facing Xuan Nu, she apologized for her failure to protect us and expressed her love. She asked for our understanding of her actions. With a lingering embrace, she transferred her memories to me.
Mother’s remembrances should remain as immaculate as my pristine uniform and as unpolluted as the air. To prevent others from corrupting my mother’s recollections, I don’t allow anyone to touch my bare skin. This way, in her next life, and I know she will return. Her memories will be pure, clean, and unsullied, just like her.
A-li uses a defrosting spell to free my mouth, and I say, “Daddy is here. Hello, Father.”
“FATHER!?” He turns his head speedily, like it’s on a swivel. His body follows, but I break free from his spell and kick him hard in the backside. He’s off balance since he was already moving, and momentum is on my side. He’s stumbling forward, arms spread wide, like a bird.
Just before he becomes one with the ground, I grab his robe from behind, yank him back to his feet, and use my senior voice. “Twenty-one. If you have time for shenanigans, you have time to make tea.”
A-li gives me a semblance of a bow and mumbles, “Yes, twenty.” He suddenly throws his arm around my shoulders and loops it around my neck, careful not to touch my exposed skin. He roughly rubs my scalp, messing up the hair I just fixed with his knuckles.
He taunts me and purposefully stomps on my clean boots, leaving a dusty heel print on them. “I might be twenty-one today, but tomorrow, I am the crown prince, meimei. If you don’t behave, I’ll have you thrown into the Pagoda. Father has acquired some new beastly monsters that love to eat sassy girls like you.”
When will he mature? It’s a fact that girls develop faster than boys. He forces me to hit him where it hurts. I punch him in the family jewels. When he falls in pain, groaning and goes fetal, I mock him and say, “You want more of that? Come and find me, TWENTY-ONE. Otherwise, get ready. Father will arrive shortly. Ying’er is going to Qingqui to meet him. They’re coming together as usual.”
Yingpei~
A crown of familiar faces greets me. I smack my mouth to wet my whistle because they are my Celestial family members.
Unlike my Qingqui family, who use naturally casual and affectionate terms like ‘uncle’ and ‘aunt’, etc. The celestials use all their titles.
Do they ever love their titles!
This task isn’t for the faint of heart or the weak. Only a master of glib like I, Yingpei can pull this off without errors.
They greet me. “Well, if it isn’t the newest monarch of Qingqui, second prince of the Skylord and Empress Bai, King Yingpei.”
I encircle my arms, bow deeply to show my respect, straighten up, and meet their gazes, then start the ceremony by greeting each individual according to their seniority with a single, deep breath. “King of Qingqui Yingpei greets great second uncle prince, Sang Ji, great third uncle prince Lian Song, and the blindingly beautiful my great aunt princess consort Shao Xin.”
I’m relieved my paternal grandparents aren’t present; they’re on their second honeymoon. If they were here, I’d be getting hounded to marry.
I end my greeting with a wink at Crown Princess Auntie Shao Xin, who blushes and touches my cheek affectionately. I melt. She’s gorgeous and fertile.
Mother, before she left for her trial, she expressed wanting to give Shao Xin an official title as uncle’s princess consort. She also wanted Uncle Sang Ji to regain his former title, which had been stripped from him by the previous Sky Lord. Father Skylord did just as mother wanted.
Although too young to have a clear memory of my mother’s face, her scent remains vivid. However, in his bedroom, Father Skylord keeps a portrait he painted of her, without a blindfold, which everyone agrees is quite something. They say likeness is uncanny, meaning mother was beautiful.
Her death, even to this day, I don’t fully comprehend, but her sacrifice for my sisters, I understand and thank her daily. My Jiejies are my mothers until mother comes back, of course.
“My kingly nephew is looking more handsome every time I see him. They say you’re as handsome as High God Bai Zhen, but dare I say I think you’ve exceeded him.” Uncle Lian Song teases, showing his dimples, which I have too.
He playfully taps his close fan on my biceps. Third, great-uncle hasn’t changed at all. He is still devious and easy to smile at. These days, he has plenty of reason to smile. His wife, Princess Consort Cheng Yu, is due to give birth to their third child at any time, so I’m surprised he’s here.
“I hear you’re looking for a wife?” Second uncle chimes in. He’s going to suggest his second daughter, but I have another candidate in mind.
A hairpin, tipped with a perfect luminous pearl, is pulled from my white robe’s folds. Great Auntie Shao Xin, this Qingqui pearl’s perfection and coloring remind me of your complexion. I carefully set it in her perfect hair and stepped back to admire her. Great Aunt Shao Xin, if you ever leave, Great Second Uncle Sang Ji, please consider Yingpei as a candidate for a husband.
Great Uncle Lian Song’s mouth drops before he giggles behind his hand. He would usually laugh louder, but today is a day when loud laughter isn’t appropriate. Second uncle Sang Ji’s eyes narrow into little squinting slits like he’s going to scold me, but in truth how can he be offended. His wife was disregarded and degraded for thousands of years. She deserves to be set high like the luminous pearl in the hairpin I gift her.
“You scoundrel.” Uncle Sang Ji says to me while staring at his wife as if she were still his bride, and she blushes more. “King Yingpei, I’m much older than you, but I have a daughter..”
Without trying to come across as rude, I abruptly cut her off because her daughter takes after her great-uncle Sang Ji. “Great aunt, mother was 90,000 years older than father Skylord. That’s our age difference exactly, and they had four children sharing deep affections.” I give her another wink that makes her gasp ever so lightly.
Great-uncle Sang Ji is starting to take offense at this statement. His face is turning different colors, let’s be honest. I’m tall, dark, handsome, of royal blood, and wealthy, yet I’m humble enough to value and respect people regardless of their status or lineage. I make people swoon. I’m the perfect blend of Celestial and Fox, and I’m astute. Shrewd enough to know when to leave a situation.
I offer a hasty goodbye, having explained Father Shifu’s wait. My gratitude goes to them for returning this year to pray for mother. As I cross the school, I catch snippets of a conversation behind me between uncles Zhe Yan, Bai Zhen, and great uncle Lian Song.
It seems Uncle Zhe Yan and Uncle Bai Zhen eavesdropped on Great Uncle Lian Song’s comment about my superior looks.
Uncle Bai Zhen replies to Great Uncle Lian Song in his usual monotone. “Of course, my Yingpei is better looking than I because he looks JUST like me. Twins.”
Zhe Yan speaks loudest. I can see him wagging his finger and sucking in air between his teeth before schooling great Uncle Lian Song.. “Lian Song must need glasses. Sometimes I can’t tell my Zhen Zhen and my Yingpei apart. I get confused. Why am I wasting time with you when I still need to get wine ready for Xiao Wu?”
The feeling is like being enveloped in a profound and immersive hug. It makes me feel warm and fuzzy from head to toe because I used to be the invisible boy. But now I’m EVERYONE’s Yingpei.
My fathers, dege, jiejies, aunts, uncles, cousins, subjects, everyone calls me “My Yingpei.” I can’t wait to hear my mother call me that, too.
Changying~
“High Immortal Xinlan greets the second princess, Ch..”
I motion for Xinlan to stop. I feel I should be the one bowing to her. Xinlan has faithfully protected the white lotus for fifty thousand years. Her dedication to mother is admirable.
“Please, you don’t have to do that every time you see me.” I hand her a bag of loquats for mother, and I will take one with me. Just in case she returns tonight. The journey back home will make her hungry. The ones I leave behind are for Xinlan to put a drop of fruit juice on the lotus petals, as she does every year.
We observe from a distance as Father converses with the lotus, which he considers Mother. Today seems like a special day, as he holds one of her spicy books. His voice is faint, but my hearing is more attuned and sharper than others, as I often listen for prayers from afar.
“I am a visual painter. To paint your flower accurately, I need to get closer to it. Very close.”
“Qian Qian, why didn’t I ever think of using that line on you?” says father, pausing with a flustered, amused, or embarrassed voice. “Did you know there are many novels about us and our love? The title of this one is Yīngyǒng Eroica, and it’s intriguing. I will save it for when we are alone, away from the children.”
As if mother were listening, father updates the white lotus on everything she’s missed. He talks about my brothers and sister, us, our progress, our achievements; then he falls silent, and I realize he’s praying for her return.
He stands there sighing softly, lingering as long as possible. Sunlight glints on his tear-streaked face as he continues to stare at the lotus. I have to turn away and hide my tears because his melancholy is tangible.
Almost difficult to witness.
“Qian Qian, I’ll return soon, but if you want to come to me, I’ll be waiting. I’m always waiting.” Father tells mother. He wipes his face, and I do the same. We face each other, smiling to conceal our pain.
Father’s eyes narrow, the corners of his mouth turning downward in disapproval, as he sees what I’m wearing—a plain white flowing goddess dress. The fabric billows around me, soft and ethereal.
He looks at his own clothes, a matching white ensemble, and says, his voice tinged with confusion, “We’re matching again. How embarrassing.”
I give him a cheesy smile, the corners of my lips stretching wide, as I shake my head at his terrible dad joke. He makes the same terrible joke every year.
It’s a custom. Everyone attending mother’s memorial wears all white. Their garments are not to symbolize mourning, but a celebration of her. It represents the pureness and innocence of our beloved mother, who considered herself impure. She was not as she thought herself to be.
Everyone in all eight wildernesses and four seas knows of her brave, virtuous, and benevolent nature.
She is the High Goddess, Bai Qian, Gugu, and she was loved.
As my eyes wander back to my father, I take in his appearance. He is not one to typically wear white attire, but somehow, he manages to look dashing. His jet-black hair appears even darker, contrasting against his golden, sun-kissed skin. It’s as if he has spent the entire afternoon basking in the sun’s warmth’s embrace.
Despite being 100,000 years old, he hasn’t changed since I first laid eyes on him in Zhe Yan’s orchard all those years ago.
His face remains smooth and unwrinkled, the passage of time leaving no visible marks. He still can’t grow facial hair like Uncle Mo Yuan. The only subtle difference from when he was with mother is the sprinkling of a few grey hairs. Those came when my sister and I became able to bear children, forcing him to accept we were of age to marry, being 50,300 years old.
He gives Xinlan a nod, but it’s not his usual. It’s deeper, and his eyes are kinder. As he wordlessly thanks her for caring for mother, he takes my hand in his and asks in earnest, curiously, “Ying’er, if your uncle and I were drowning, which would you save first?”
“Father, dragons are aquatic,” I respond as we leave Qingqui, my voice too much like his, dry and flat. “If you and Uncle Mo Yuan fell in the water, I’d place bets on who would swim faster.” My response prompts another question from him. “Who do you think would win?”
I grab his hand and haul him along to jump on a large, puffy cloud drifting toward us. “You would win, daddy,” I tell him, “…you’re a third of Uncle Mo Yuan’s age. Uncle Mo Yuan might get a cramp in his toe from being old.”
Gently lifting me, Father tosses me into the cloud, exclaiming, “Yinger, Xiao Ye Hua (little Ye Hua), you’re a genius!”
Xinlan
Xinlan and the Fox clan had protected the White Lotus for 50,000 years since Gugu High Goddess Bai Qian passed away to save the princesses. The Skylord regularly visited to talk to the white lotus, which he considered his empress, his Qian Qian.
The imperial children also came often. When High God Zhe Yan visited, he always drank with her, pouring wine into the water. High God Mo Yuan visited Qingqui more than Xinlan expected, considering he was her brother-in-law by most accounts.
Though many said High God Mo Yuan had been her husband at one time.
Xinlan frowned deeply as she watched everyone leave. She worried that when they discovered the white lotus was gone, they might fall apart. Many would be profoundly affected by the disappearance.
Years after being confined to the den because of illness, the Fox empress unexpectedly appeared the night before. Xinlan learned of her unhappiness and the regrets she had. She candidly spoke of the Sky Lord and High God Mo Yuan, who both loved her daughter, bringing up both their strong and weak traits.
She questioned whether her daughter would have fared better without either of them in her life.
In her next life, the empress desired her daughter to have the autonomy to select her own path and love. Her daughter’s life, she believed, deserved better than a flawed trial prejudiced by her grandchildren and rules set by the elders, all of whom were men.
The Fox Empress, after talking to Xinlan, desired some alone time with the White Lotus. Hidden behind a privacy shield, she spent hours with the flower before disclosing to Xinlan of her impending journey to nothingness. She pleaded with Xinlan, her daughter’s soul guardian, to grant her final dying request.
Xinlan was to wait until her daughter’s memorial day, when everyone would be meditating on Kunlun Mountain, pluck the White Lotus from the pond, and quietly leave Qingqui.
They were to hide in the mortal world and live modestly. This was done to avoid attracting the attention of those who would inevitably search for them.
To live among mortals, the empress provided Xinlan with funds and a powerful Fox spell to mask their immortal energy, entrusting her with their practical use. She earnestly hoped that her daughter could be reborn one day. It would be amazing if she, who saw herself as a tainted and broken thing, could be born from Xinlan.
Xinlan was an innocent, virtuous, and unblemished virgin.
Though burdened by the inevitable sorrow her decision would cause, Xinlan didn’t refuse the Empress’s last plea. Once she knew the meditations had started, she carefully put the White Lotus into its protective case.
Hidden by an immortal energy spell, she entered the mortal realm. She was unaware that the Fox Empress had transferred all her elite cultivation upon the White Lotus. Seven days after the Fox empress died, she woke to find the White Lotus wilted and dried up, but Xinlan was miraculously pregnant.
A white lotus-like impression encircled her navel on her newly rounded belly. A tender touch on her belly felt the life moving inside. Her face beamed with a smile, and her eyes sparkled with joy.
An inexplicable joy overtook her.
Xinlan’s worship of High God Bai Qian began the moment she set her eyes on her. A profound spiritual experience had irrevocably changed her life.
It was a privilege she didn’t feel worthy of, but she wholeheartedly embraced her destiny.
Her fate was to give birth to the reincarnation of the most revered immortal goddess from her pure body.
“High Goddess Bai Qian, Xinlan will always care for you because I worship and love you.” Her voice was gentle, like her fingertips on the last fluttering spot. “I know you can hear me, Bai Lianhua.”
The End